A Lasting Marriage

People have a lack of knowledge and interest in building a lasting relationship.

*Knowledge means acquaintance with the fact, truth as from study or investigation.

*Interest means the feeling of a person whose attention or concern is engaged by something.

*Relationship means a connection or association.

*Connection means to join or fasten together

We believe that a successful marriage, like any other worthwhile endeavor takes time and study.

First – But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13, And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest if these is charity.

Hope

Charity

Faith

 

 

Greatest

 

Love Charity

 

 

*Love means a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

*Profound means penetrating or entering deeply into a subject of thought or knowledge.

Love is the supreme virtue: Highest Power, the word cannot mean anything less. To see the highest is to love.

Love is the life of heaven, for God is love and God is life. Love is therefore eternal, and supreme.

Love completes and crowns every human relationship. What is neighborliness, if there is no love between neighbors. Example: Asia, Europe and America = vast neighborhood; they manifest little of love that produces a mutual co-operation, justice, peace, and security.

Married life soon goes to shipwreck, if it is not crowned and completed by a spirit that burns with a steadier flame, than the romantic passion which brings people together, surely love burns with the flame.

Mere passion, which revolves around sexual gratification, is not sufficient in itself to establish lasting relationship, too many couples begin their marriages thinking this type of love is all they need.

Three Kinds of Love

Companionship

*Companionship means fellowship or a union joined by a common interest.

Here we are talking about the “I LIKE YOU” feeling we have toward the opposite sex. The kind of love that pleasantly stimulates all five senses.

*Stimulate means to arouse to action, she smells good, feels good, sounds good, and looks good.

She is pleasant company because she makes you feel happy.

Many relationships begin with this type of love. It doesn’t always withstand the pressures of time.

After two or three years, the wife/husband changes his/her lifestyle.

The older they get the more they change. The danger arises when we base our love on changeable characteristics that we found attractive on the companionship level.

Passion

Passion works harder on the emotions than companionship. It’s the type of love that keeps the heart working overtime.

The Greek call it Eros, sensual and physical.

*Sensual means pertaining to, inclined to, or preoccupied with gratification of the senses.

A carnal or fleshy form of love, that often produce physical involvement after marriage. Eros love heightens the senses and stimulates our bodies and minds. It is the kind of love that hungers for the other person to stimulate and satisfy our sexual urges.

*Sexual means reproduce.

*Urge means to entreat earnestly and repeatedly

If passion exists without genuine love, usually lust gives way to disgust and repulsion.

2 Samuel 13:1-15

David’s son Ammon who hates Tamar after he rapes her.

13:1 And it came to pass after this, that Absalom the son of David had

a fair sister, whose name was Tamar; and Amnon the son of David

loved her.

13:2 And Amnon was so vexed, that he fell sick for his sister Tamar; for

she was a virgin; and Amnon thought it hard for him to do anything

to her.

13:3 But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of

Shimeah David’s brother: and Jonadab was a very subtil man.

13:4 And he said unto him, Why art thou, being the king’s son, lean

from day to day? wilt thou not tell me? And Amnon said unto him,

I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.

13:5 And Jonadab said unto him, Lay thee down on thy bed, and make

thyself sick: and when thy father cometh to see thee, say unto him, I pray thee, let my sister Tamar come, and give me meat, and dress

the meat in my sight, that I may see it, and eat it at her hand.

13:6 So Amnon lay down, and made himself sick: and when the king

was come to see him, Amnon said unto the king, I pray thee, let

Tamar my sister come, and make me a couple of cakes in my sight,

that I may eat at her hand.

13:7 Then David sent home to Tamar, saying, Go now to thy brother

Amnon’s house, and dress him meat.

13:8 So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house; and he was laid

down. And she took flour, and kneaded it, and made cakes in his

sight, and did bake the cakes.

13:9 And she took a pan, and poured them out before him; but he

refused to eat. And Amnon said, Have out all men from me. And

they went out every man from him.

13:10 And Amnon said unto Tamar, Bring the meat into the chamber,

that I may eat of thine hand. And Tamar took the cakes which she

had made, and brought them into the chamber to Amnon her

brother.

13:11 And when she had brought them unto him to eat, he took hold of

her, and said unto her, Come lie with me, my sister.

13:12 And she answered him, Nay, my brother, do not force me; for no

such thing ought to be done in Israel: do not thou this folly.

13:13 And I, whither shall I cause my shame to go? and as for thee, thou

shalt be as one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, I pray thee,

speak unto the king; for he will not withhold me from thee.

13:14 Howbeit he would not hearken unto her voice: but, being stronger

than she, forced her, and lay with her.

13:15 Then Amnon hated her exceedingly; so that the hatred wherewith

he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her.

And Amnon said unto her, Arise, be gone.

Genuine Love

Genuine love is completely different.  It means “I see a need in you, let me have the privilege of meeting that need.”  Instead of taking for itself.  Genuine love gives to others; it motivates us to help others reach their full potential in life.  The love of God is genuine love.

*Motivate means to stir to action, provide with a motive.

*Motive is an emotion, desire or bodily need. Causing or able to cause.

*Motion means the act or process of moving or changing position.

Genuine love has no qualifications.  It doesn’t say, “I’ll be your friend if you’ll be mine.”  Love in a selfless way is dependent upon your level of maturity.

1.     The relationship of the believer to God.

2.     The relationship between spouses.

3.     The relationship of believers to one another.

The lowest level of maturity contains the following:

1.     Jealousy – caused by a fear of losing something or someone we value because it or they meet our need.

2.     Envy – springs from a desire to possess what someone else has.  We imagine that if we gain what he/she has then we will be happy.

3.     Anger – results from inner turmoil and frustration we feel when we cannot control people or circumstances.  We cannot have what we believe will make us happy or our goals are blocked.

4.     Loneliness – results from a dependence on other people for our happiness.

5.     Fear – results when we imagine or perceive that our need or goals will not be met.

Wives response that can weaken a marriage relationship.

1.     Nagging – repeatedly reminding her husband about things that need attention, with illustrations of his past wrongs and forgetfulness.

2.     Impulsive spender – spend money as though it were very easily obtained.  Seems irresponsible with money when it comes into her possession.  Uses credit cards without concern.

3.     Permissive with children – makes excuses for children’s disobedience to husband and keeps secrets from him about their conduct.

4.     To emotional – cries often and is easily hurt.  Hold on to hurts for a long time.  Able to recall past offences in detail.

5.     Dominating – answers all questions, even those directed to her husband.  Makes all decisions in the home and assumes responsibility for disciplining the children.

How a husband lacks genuine love – his actions.

1.     Unreliable – lets time slip by unnoticed.

2.     Untrusting and condemning – has an attitude of superiority in finances.  Demands the control of all money, won’t let his wife know about their financial status.  Feels certain his wife would bankrupt him if she were given the chance.

3.     Angry and demanding – over reacts to children and others.  Doesn’t like to be inconvenienced by family.  Sets standards too difficult to meet.

4.     Insensitive and unkind – uses hurtful words to others.  Uses his wife or others as his source of humor.

5.     Uncaring and irresponsible – doesn’t seem to care about his family’s needs.  Seems to think the only obligation he has to his family is financial.

Ephesians 5:25-29

5:25 Husbands love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.

5:26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word.

5:27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies.  He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

5:29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church.