The Greatest Casualty In The Church

 

 

John 10:10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

 

Obstructions that block you from healthy and happy relationships:

 

1-    Everyday Stress- a state that arises from an imbalance between demand and capability.  You must accomplish something and you do not know how or do not possess the tools you need. On the avg. 60% of Americans report feeling great stress at least once a week.  When we constantly push ourselves to the limit emotionally, stress is magnified and hurts our relationships.  If someone is stressed out easily and they quickly can go into anger mode something must be dealt with.

 

2-    Satanic Assault- The path of marriage has been forged by God. God has always intended marriage to be a stronghold of honor companionship and love.  Any deviation from Gods plan is something that has to be corrected.

 

Ephesians 5:29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

 

Ephesians 5:24-25

24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

 

 

Ephesians 5:30-33

30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence (to be in awe respect) her husband.

 

 

Cherish – To treat with tenderness and affection; to give warmth, ease or comfort to.  To hold as dear; to embrace with affection; to foster, and encourage; to treat in a manner to encourage growth, by protection, aid, attendance, or supplying nourishment;

To harbor; to indulge and encourage in the mind

 

 

The modern day marriage is far from biblical Godly principles and precepts.  How do we fight off this continual barrage from hell on our homes?

 

Ephesians 6:10 be strong in the lord and in the power of his might serve God together, surround yourselves with Godly influences

 

3-    Unrealistic Expectations –

1. Marriage will complete me – these folks do not realize marriage will not make a broken person whole; you must be whole before you marry.
2. Knight in the shining armor syndrome – the other person will never be moody or have a bad day and will always do what I want.
3. Happily ever after – Job 14:1 man is of few days and full of trouble
4. Love will keep us together – all you need is love song says

Only divine love conquers all

 

No one person can fulfill all of your needs, nor will you be the ultimate supplier of all of your spouse’s needs.

 

4-    Selfishness/Sin- I and me are the Gods of today. Marriage was designed to be a team effort.  If your relationship is built around just “I,” there is a boundary between you and your spouse, but if it is built around “us”, there is a boundary around us.  Me and I are the most poisonous words in marriage.

 

Wives are to be honored according to 1PET 3:7;

 

1Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

 

1Peter 3:1-6

1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;

4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:

6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.

 

The surest way to cause trouble in the home is for someone to be a prideful spoiled brat and not do the Word of the Lord.

Usually there is the dilemma of rights. He or she can’t boss me around and then there is the “I’m not moving syndrome.”

Even if I am wrong I am not going to admit it. I will act as if I don’t understand.

This is foolish and immature. For the person who wants to look grown and wise this is dumb.

At some point, we need to stop blaming and admit our part for the mess. Give each other a clean slate, and then go forward.

 

The Path Of Dissatisfaction

After hurts and let downs we want to minimize any hurts and we will guard ourselves against further damage.

 

-It’s a process. Day by day, emotion-by-emotion it begins with distancing emotionally. If I do not love her deeply she cannot hurt me deeply. This is self-preservation.

 

Being unappreciated turns to a feeling of being used, then being abused, then the feeling of being nonexistent and then resentment sets in.

When we are unrecognized we feel abandoned and hurt.

 

There Are 2 Levels Of Disaffection

1.    Early signs of distancing working too much to stay away from home.

• Involving yourself in too many problems to not communicate.
• Tuning out.
• Not sharing about everyday life.
• The severing of simple acts of kindness, for example: “Thank you.”
• Then comes ignoring, insulting, hurting, badgering, intimidating, withholding love and embarrassing our spouse frequently.

 

1. Living with the terrible secret that I am unhappy in this marriage.  This secret is withheld because of fear of being hurt again. And also the fear that our spouse will be unhappy with us also.

 

• Dr. John Gottman a professor at the University of Washington wrote about the 4 horses couples ride to their own destruction.  These horses represent dangerous and wrong ways to communicate.
• Criticism – makes the other feel like they cannot do anything right.  They feel like they are inadequate as a person.  It covers the person in shame.
• Contempt – intention to insult and abuse them with words.  Words are wielded like a bat, calling names, making fun of, put-downs.  The results of physical abuse are apparent outside black eyes, bruises, the results of contempt results in inner pain
• Defensiveness – not wanting to confess to my wrongdoing.  Don’t want to take ownership of my actions.  It is always his or her fault.  The abuser oftentimes says you make me do this.  All of us can get people to side with us.  It is important at times for us to be godly enough to receive rebuke and correction.
• Stonewalling cold unresponsive a stone wall, non participator, decide to stop working on the issues, this does not get better by itself

 

As our text states there is a lineup that is ordained of God and if not lined up as God has said then we our out of His will and our prayers will not be answered.

 

1Peter 5:6-8

6 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:

7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: