Coping with rejection is something almost everyone must deal with at some point in life. None of us relish the thought of rejection. However, if you analyze it you will probably discover that you have a much higher percentage of acceptance than of rejection. 

Rejection isn’t always that bad. In order to accomplish anything, we must regularly face rejection and disappointment without being sidetracked by them.

The only way rejection can get you down is by reinforcing the doubts you already have. Maybe those doubts are justified, and maybe they're not? Irregardless, rejection can be used as a propellant for success. 

Balance Rejection with Affirmation

If you are going to be a success, or a leader, you must prepare yourself to deal with rejection on an abnormal scale.  It comes with the territory and you might never quite get used to it. 

Blogger Shaun King summarized this when he wrote:

• Every day nearly 75 people stop following me on Twitter
• Every day 10-15 people unsubscribe from my email list
• Every few days someone writes a negative tweet about me
• I get hateful and sometimes slanderous emails
• Every week or so someone writes a blog about how stupid they think something I said was

With that said, as a leader I get an abnormal amount of praise and affirmation.

• Every day over 100 people follow me on Twitter
• Every day 20-25 people subscribe to my email list
• Every day someone writes a kind tweet about me
• Every day I get beautiful emails of gratitude
• I regularly have positive blogs and news articles on me and my work

The problem that I have is one that all leaders have – even though the affirmations I receive outnumber the rejection and criticism, it is so easy to focus just on the criticism.  This is just as bad as focusing just on the affirmation. In the end, leadership takes thick skin, and it often means never being very swayed by those that lift you up or pull you down.¹

Get to the Core

How does one cope with rejection? You have to get to its core. 

Whether you receive a rejection call, letter, email, or no response at all; it is important to remember that rejection is not a reflection of your self-worth. It most likely will take many rejections before you receive an offer.

Learning how to deal with rejection will keep you from sinking into a place of immobilizing despair that prevents forward motion.

Sigmund Freud said, “Sometimes when we are going through pains of rejection, it feels like a global conspiracy.” Those pains of rejection may include sadness, frustration, anger, uselessness, and unworthiness. The main reason people see rejection as pain is because they see it as loss of control, and most everyone fears loss of control. Fortunately, there are things you can do that can help you handle rejection with dignity and purpose.

8 Tips for Dealing with Rejection

The rejection people face when when turned-down for a job search can apply to other causes of rejection also.  The following tips will help anyone cope with rejection.² 


1.  Be aware of your reaction to rejection. Being rejected can feel like a violation of your expectations. This is why you feel offended when you are rejected. When the rejection is very painful or unexpected, it can be scary; making you feel as though the world you live in is unsafe and malevolent. When things do not go the way you expect, you may feel devastated and powerless, especially if you are very attached to a particular outcome.

Recognize your thoughts and emotions and realize that it is what you do in response to these thoughts and emotions that determines how you feel about yourself and your job search. You need to acknowledge the rejection, harness your thoughts, and realize that this is part of the process and you’re going to receive several rejections before you secure your next position.

2.  Talk to people you trust. Feelings of rejection may cause you to want to isolate yourself from others to protect yourself from further pain. However, this will only feed the negative emotions of rejection. So, be sure to connect with others—like your career coach, a job search group, a religious group, a mentor, or close friends.

3.  Don’t take it personally. It’s business. In most cases rejection in a job search is more about the company than it is about you personally. Many hiring managers are risk-adverse and fear making a mistake that will cost the company money. Therefore, they are extremely cautious. They reject candidates who don’t appear to be an undeniable perfect fit. While you may feel that you exceed the requirements posted in the job description, perhaps not all of the requirements were disclosed. Alternatively, there may have been an internal candidate that they wanted to promote into the position and posting the position was simply a requirement of the organization.

4.  Ask the interviewer for constructive feedback. Ask him/her what qualifications, credentials, or experience you were missing. If you still feel that you were 100 percent qualified, ask the interviewer what qualifications the selected candidate had that triggered his/her hiring. While it’s too late to defend your candidacy if you have the qualifications mentioned, it may give you some insight into what qualifications you need to articulate more clearly in your next interview.

5.  Avoid over thinking the rejection. Don’t beat yourself up. Realize you are not the perfect candidate for every position you may pursue and you may never know the reason why. Take a minute to reflect on the last time you hired someone: Did you spell out every single qualification and credential you wanted for the position? Most likely you only communicated the most important ones. Then during the interview, you drilled down on details and decided who would be the best fit. Chemistry plays a large role. The hiring manager needs to feel like you are someone that he/she could work with.

6.  Take action and move on—you can only control the controllable. Increase and expand your network and job search activities. Understand that your job search is going to take aggressive action and you don’t have time to worry about recruiters and hiring managers who don’t understand your value or are too consumed with doubt and fear to make a decision.

The actor, Sylvester Stallone, stated, “I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat.”

Earl G. Graves, founder and publisher of Black Enterprise Magazine stated, “We keep going back, stronger, not weaker, because we will not allow rejection to beat us down. It will only strengthen our resolve. To be successful there is no other way.”

•  Develop accomplishment stories to overcome any objections before they are raised. If you know

there is an objection that employers will raise, develop a story to talk about before the objection arises that will overpower and dispel the objection.

•  Keep a positive mental attitude. Log every accomplishment and contribution you have made to every

employer in a journal. Record your greatest challenges and how you handled them. Write about a time when you were asked to take on a totally new role and explain how you handled it. Review and add additional details to these log entries frequently. This journal will help you concentrate on your value. It’s also a great resource for creating accomplishment stories for your interviews.

In Conclusion

Learning to cope with rejection is maturity. Instead of focusing on your defense or justification, focus instead on ways to become better. Never allow space for bitterness or retribution. Stay focused on your mission and purpose. Whenever you encounter rejection look for the alternate door of opportunity.