Lesson 8: Relationships – Our Children

Tonight is our final lesson on the topic of relationships….but also one of the most important….my topic tonight is Raising Children!

I want to read four verses from the scripture….

Titus 2:4

4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,

 

Ephesians 6:4

4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Proverbs 22:6

6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 13:24

24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.

There is no greater honor or privilege in life than bringing a brand new bouncing baby into this world, and then trying to raise them up over the next twenty years or so!

Doing so will require all or your intelligence, all of your patience, all of your determination!

I realize that this topic cannot be taught in great depth tonight, so understand that I am just scratching the surface.

These verses give us four basic principles that the Bible teaches about raising children….

1.     We are to love them.

2.     We are to nurture them.

3.     We are to admonish and train them.

4.     We are to discipline them in love.

I am not an expert….I am still learning every day…but the first and the most important things that I can tell you…is to make sure you raise your children in Love.

·        Love them with everything you have…Love them with all of your heart, and all of your soul!

·        You are going to make some mistakes in raising your kids….but at least make your mistakes out of love.

·        You are going to make some mistakes in disciplining your kids….at least discipline them out of love!

If you mess up, always do it on the side of love!

Raising kids may seem easy when you have only one.

But let me tell you from experience…. some of you parents are in for a rude awakening!

It all starts out cozy and cuddly and cute….

·        Our first little one was an angel….she was made out of sugar and spice and everything nice!

·        She was the center of attention….the center or our world…spoiled silly.

·        Even the boys start out that way….but it isn’t very long till you find out that the boys are not made out of sugar and spice….they are made out of snakes, and snails, and puppy dog tails.

And when one little angel turns into three or four screaming kids….things can change very quickly.

Love is replaced by frustration, , frustration by fear, and fear by anger.

Kids can make you mad…really, really mad!

When that happens…. you need to make a quick exit out of the room, and take a couple of deep breaths and remember how much you love them before you come back and discipline them.

Do not discipline out of anger….discipline out of love!

·        The Bible says, “Provoke not your children to wrath!”

·        Love them in all that you do!

Can I get a witness!

The Bible says to nurture them!

The Greek word is paideia, which means to tutor, train, and educate them!

·        It is the responsibility of the parents to train their children.

o   Do no leave this up to the schools.

o   Do not leave this up to society.

o   Don’t leave it up to Sunday School.

o   It is up to you!

I am not saying that you have to home school your children.

But you do have train them up in the nurture and admonition of God!

The word admonition means ‘calling attention to!’

You will be one of the few people in their life that call their attention to the ways of God!

That means instilling the right values in them….Godly values!

The schools are not going to train them in Godly values!

We teach and train them in the ways of God because we want them to make it to heaven!

·        We read them Bible stories.

·        We have devotion.

·        We pray with them every day!

·        We do everything that we can do…and then…

o   We make sure they are in Sunday School.

o   We make sure they are at youth service….camp meetings….youth rallies…outreach!

o   Nobody else is going to do that but you!

o   It is your responsibility!

The Bible says….

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Some of you may have children that are not living according to God’s word! And you remember this scripture and say God I did everything that I could Lord, why are they not living this life?

I can’t answer that…but notice what the scripture says….

It says when he is old…he will not depart!

It doesn’t say when he is a teenager…he will not depart…but when he is old!

·        You may do everything that you know to do, and your children may still leave the faith….but the Bible says, when he is old…he is coming back!

·        There will come a day in their life when all of your nurturing and all of your teaching will pay off…they will remember…don’t ever give up hope!

Give the Lord some praise!

Having said that….don’t be so heavenly minded with your kids, that they are no earthly good!

·        Give them some life skills!

·        Train them up to be responsible and contributing members of society!

·        Make sure they get a job when they are old enough.

·        Have a college fund set aside for them.

·        Let them get an education.

·        Have some faith that God can use them in a powerful way!

There is nothing more powerful in this world than a college educated, Holy Ghost filled and anointed young person.

·        That young person can answer some of the hard questions that this society has about God.

·        We need college educated Apostolic young people more than we ever have before!

We really need to trust God in this area…His Spirit is more than able to keep them.

·        I can’t tell you how many times God’s Spirit kept me from doing some things I shouldn’t have even thought about!

If you believe God’s Spirit can still keep our young people…clap your hands!

Discipline

Again, the golden rule here is to discipline your children out of love!

When you discipline your kids…discipline them with a spiritual mindset.

·        In other words, teach repentance.

·        Teach forgiveness.

·        Teach humility.

·        Teach respect.

·        Put a premium on honesty and accountability.

·        Pray with your children immediately after you discipline them.

·        Reassure them of your love and of God’s love!

God made you the head of your house for a reason….to raise your kids right!

You are the authority!

Studies show that the past few generations have grown to dislike authority, and because of that, parents do not want to become an authority figure to their kids for fear their kids will grow up hating them.

So instead of being the dad…they are best buddies!

Instead of being the mom…they are gal pals!

·        Please understand that I am talking in general terms tonight…this couldn’t be happening in our church.

·        What we have today is a generation of young people that do not understand authority!

It is common today for parents to raise their kids by asking them questions…

·        Do you want to eat broccoli for supper?

·        Would you like to go to bed now?

·        Don’t you think it is time to eat supper?

·        Wouldn’t it be a good idea to do your homework?

Don’t be tentative with your children, replace those question marks with exclamation points!

·        Eat your broccoli!

·        It is time to go to bed!

·        Do your homework, now!

God made you the head of your house….you need to use that authority!

The reason that God made you the authority is because you know better than they do about what is right and what is wrong!

The Apostle Paul said….

1 Corinthians 14:8

8 For if the trumpet give an uncertain sound, who shall prepare himself to the battle?

Children are hearing an uncertain sound today!

We cannot be uncertain in raising our kids, we have to be firm and in control!

If parents keep sending that uncertain sound….their children will not be ready to make it on their own!

I want my kids to make it on their own!

Can I get a witness?

Believe it or not your children want discipline.

A seventh grade teacher in Oregon recently took a vote in her class. Her question was, “Raise your hand if you want rules and you want your parents to enforce them.”

·        To her surprise, over two thirds of her class raised their hands.

·        One of the things that surprised her the most was that the coolest kid in the class raised his hand and actually began to speak about wanting rules.’

·        He wanted rules and actually resented his parents for not disciplining him.

·        He felt that they didn’t care enough about him to discipline him!

Kids are not dumb….they know when you don’t care.

Rules and discipline make kids feel loved and secure…so be firm, be certain!

When you make up a set of rules….base them from the word of God and let your children know that they are also God’s rules!

Explain the rules in advance and explain the penalty for breaking the rules.

This is the certain sound I was talking about a few minutes ago!

·        Then follow through with discipline!

·        Do not threaten discipline without following through….children learn when you are bluffing.

·        Your actions have to be consistent with your word.

Every Saturday morning was cleaning day at our home….and my mother gave us kids a certain sound….we knew exactly what it meant!

Before you do anything else today…get your rooms cleaned, and clean them right, or else!

We learned to get our rooms cleaned and then leave the house with dad!

Discipline fairly!

·        Do not discipline without having all the facts.

·        Your kids will always hold it against you if you discipline them without reason.

So before you discipline…get the facts right and let the punishment meet the crime!

·        Uppercuts to the nose are never acceptable!

·        And I don’t know if you should make your kid go out in the yard and cut their own switches.

·        Don’t spank your kids for accidents…they are kids, they have accidents!

·        Spilt milk, and broken dishes are just going to be a part of your life!

·        That is part of parenting!

Now that I am on this topic….Yes….pastor believes in spanking…it is in the Bible!

The Bible says…

Proverbs 22:15

15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

Prov 23:13-14

13 Don’t be afraid to correct your young ones;

a spanking won’t kill them.

14 A good spanking, in fact, might save them

from something worse than death.

·        Spanking should only be hard enough to cause discomfort…there should never be any injury or lasting marks.

·        Spank only on the behind or the hand.

·        Do not spank in public.

·        Spanking should be a last resort!

Make sure you follow the discipline by genuine expressions of love!

·        I am thankful today because I had parents who cared enough about me to discipline me in love!

·        I don’t know where I would be today without that discipline!

In closing I want to speak for just a few moments tonight about Uncles, Aunts, and Grandparents!

·        I was fortunate enough to have three out of four grandparents who were Apostolic, along with a number of Aunts and Uncles!

·        Each one of them helped raise me up in the nurture and admonition of God!

·        They played a large part in who I am today!

If I could use one word to describe what Grandparents, Aunts, and Uncles do in raising your children I would use the word supplement or maybe support.

·        Grandparents do not replace a parent’s authority, but they support it.

·        If the parents are present…the parents are the authority.

·        If they are not…the grandparents will reinforce what the parents have taught!

My Grandparents on my mother’s side lived a thousand miles away in the state of Minnesota.

·        We saw them at least twice a year, sometimes three.

·        When they came for their visits….we almost always got spoiled by them with gifts, candy, hugs and a whole lot of love!

·        I thought Grandparents were always like that!

But one summer when I was going into grade six, I was sent to my Grandparents home in Minnesota for a month!

·        I thought it was going to be one easy summer for me!

·        The fair was within walking distance.

·        I would be going fishing on my Grandfather’s lake.

·        Picking raspberries in the garden.

·        Shooting his bow and arrows in the backyard.

·        Eating Grandma’s Swedish pancakes every morning….and her home-made apple pie every night.

I thought I would be given anything that I wanted whenever I wanted it…and my brothers and sisters would be stuck with mom and dad in Canada!

It was going to be heaven!

The first couple of days were kind of like that.

·        But then I had a rude awakening.

·        Grandpa was building a church building, and needed a little helper….guess who that was….that was me!

o   I mixed mud for laying block.

o   I carried the blocks.

o   I learned to lay the blocks.

o   I mowed the grass.

o   I cleaned the tools.

o   And I learned just where my mother got her work ethic from.

But guess what…I actually had fun doing it….because I was with my Grandpa, and I had him all to myself!

You see children don’t put up the same defenses with their grandparents as they do with their parents, and they are more open to a grandparent’s influence. 

As Grandparents, and as Aunts and Uncles to some extent, you need to understand that you have this awesome and unique opportunity to make a profound impact on your grandchildren!

·        They are so open to what you have to say!

·        Spoil them yes…but take it a step further and support your own children in raising  your grandchildren up in the admonition of God!

It is your responsibility to use those times to reinforce your children’s teaching in them!

One of the most powerful influences in my life was that month I spent with my grandparents as an eleven year old boy.

Sixty five years old, and recently retired, I watched them as they built a home missions work with a little faith in God and a lot of work by their own hands.

I can’t put into words how much that impacted my life!

·        Each day you have with your kids is an opportunity to profoundly impact this world.

·        Jesus is watching today, they are so precious is His sight…let’s not take this lightly…our children are the future!