Nine Secrets of Healthy Relationships

Lesson 4: Peace 

Galatians 5:22-23

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

 

 

In the 1960’s those who predicted the future advantages of technology felt the biggest challenge to the future would be boredom. They believed that time-saving technologies would increase productivity, and they informed a US Senate subcommittee that by 1985 people would work about 22 hours a week, 27 weeks a year, and would retire at 38. We now look at those numbers and laugh.

 

The average husband and wife unit is currently working 90 to 100 hours a week. Families are taking a heavy toll, not from boredom, but from the stresses of life that leave them exhausted!

 

How Do You Have Peace In The Middle Of Modern Life?

 

First, let’s define “peace” according to the Bible, because most people don’t!  They define peace as “the absence of tension or conflict.” That’s why they are puzzled when the Arabs greet one another with “Salaam” and the Jews greet one another with “Shalom;” both meaning “peace,” and then go right on fighting!

 

It’s like the conference where the speaker asked the participants to greet one another with the greeting of the early church; “Maranatha!” (“the Lord is coming”). He met two little old ladies in the hotel elevator the next morning that trilled in unison, “Marijuana, brother! Marijuana!”

 

The ancient words for peace do not mean “the absence of tension or conflict,” but rather, “the tranquility of order.” In other words, there may be chaos all around us, but a person with God’s Spirit inside remains at peace because there is “order” in their life.

 

John 16:33 These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

 

There are three applications of “peace” in the believer’s life:

 

Peace With God

 

Disobedience always brings a feeling of disorder to your life

 

Romans 5:1 Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:

 

Peace Of God

 

Difficulties can bring a feeling of disorder to your life, if you look at them with the wrong perspective

 

Philippians 4:6-7

6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

 

This kind of peace is a sense of psychological order.

 

 

Peace On Earth

 

Differences with others can bring a feeling of disorder to your life, if you look at them with the wrong perspective.

 

Luke 2:24 And to offer a sacrifice according to that which is said in the law of the Lord, A pair of turtledoves, or two young pigeons.

 

This kind of peace is a sense of relational order.

 

Since relationships are where we live out our everyday lives, let’s talk about what a person filled with God’s Spirit acts like!

 

Proverbs 29:8 Scornful men bring a city into a snare: but wise men turn away wrath.

 

Matthew 5:9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

 

Because peace is not “the absence of tension or conflict,” but rather “the tranquility of order,” you will never achieve peace by…

 

Avoiding the problem. Unresolved conflict is like termites in a relationship; it will eventually bring the house down. Pretending the problem doesn’t exist is not peacemaking; it’s cowardice!

 

Appeasing the problem. God doesn’t expect you to be a doormat! Jesus never backed off from a legitimate issue. Peace at any price is not legitimate peace! When I swallow my feelings all the time, my stomach keeps score.

 

 

 

How To Be A Peacemaker  (P.E.A.C.E.)

 

P – Plan a Peace Conference

 

The reason most world peace conferences don’t work is the same reason many relationships don’t work; someone has to be willing to make the first move!

 

Matthew 5:23-24

23 Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee;

24 Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

 

If you are a Christian, you are to always take the initiative in seeking peace, whether you have been offended or you are the offender. Why? The longer you wait to resolve a relationship problem the bigger it gets.

 

E – Empathize With Their Feelings

 

The second reason most world peace conferences don’t work is that no one is willing to look at the problem from the other’s perspective. It’s the same in relationships!

 

1 Peter 3:8 Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:

 

The first thing you do is listen! Why? Listening shows you care!

 

 

When someone is hurting you, please remember: hurt people hurt people! Look beyond the hurt that you’re receiving and ask, “What is hurting them that’s causing them to hurt me?“

 

Did you know that the key to intimacy is conflict? If you never have any conflict you always exist on the surface level. But when you deal with conflict in a positive way and resolve it, it creates greater understanding, brings you closer and makes you stronger.

 

A – Attack the Problem, Not the Person

 

Proverbs 10:10 He that winketh with the eye causeth sorrow: but a prating fool shall fall.

 

Ephesians 4:15 But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:

 

Anytime there’s ongoing conflict, somebody’s hiding something! The truth always sets you free!

 

You’re never persuasive when you’re abrasive. You don’t get your point across by being cross! You’ve got to stop fixing the blame in order to start fixing the problem.

 

7 Rules For Fighting Fair In A Relationship:

 

Never compare

Never condemn

Never command

Never challenge

Never condescend

Never contradict

Never confuse

If you follow these, you’ll be attacking the problem, not the person.

 

C – Cooperate As Much As Possible

 

Compromise is essential in every human relationship! Try to find areas of common ground, and places where you can be flexible.

 

Romans 12:18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

 

James 3:17 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.

 

More marriages die from inflexibility than from anything else!

 

Dr. Paul Tournier, author of “To Understand Each Other,” said, “So-called incompatibility is a myth, invented by jurists in order to plead for divorce. It is likewise just a common excuse people use just to hide their own failings. Misunderstandings and mistakes can be corrected where there is a willingness to do so. The problem is a lack of complete frankness.”

 

Dr. Paul Popineau, Director of the Institute of Family Relations, said:  “I don’t believe incompatibility exists. Almost any two people are compatible if they try to be.”

 

Your marriage, your partnership, your friendship is what you are willing to make of it.

 

E – Emphasize Reconciliation, Not Resolution

 

Reconciliation means to reestablish the relationship. Resolution means to resolve every issue. And you’re just not going to do that!

 

However, you can disagree without being disagreeable. You can have unity in a relationship without having uniformity. You can walk hand in hand in a relationship without seeing eye to eye. You can have reconciliation without having resolution of every difference.

 

When two people agree on everything, one of them isn’t necessary. In courtship, opposites usually attract. Once they’re married, the opposites attack. So you have to get back on track by emphasizing reconciliation rather than resolution.

 

2 Corinthians 5:18 And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;

 

Reconciliation is a synonym for being a peacemaker. When you attempt to be a peacemaker you’re doing the work of God. When you’re restoring relationships, you’re doing the work of God.

 

Who Do You Need To Reconcile With Today?

 

This past Tuesday (September 25), the Houston Chronicle reported that in the two weeks since the terrorist attacks on September 11, dismissals in divorce cases have skyrocketed in the Family Law Courts of Harris County. In numbers that are nearly triple those before the tragedy, clients contemplating divorce and those in the middle of one now say they will try to patch things up. State District Judge Linda Motheral said the trend seems likely a product of the “general sense everywhere that people realize this could be it, our lives may have changed forever and the things we worried about before look like small potatoes.” Family Lawyer Annette Henry said that when someone files for divorce, their problems seem huge and insurmountable, “but with a tragedy like this, it puts it all in perspective. Whatever was driving you crazy no longer seems so significant.”

Human beings are incapable of sustaining “the tranquility of order” without help beyond themselves. You cannot produce the fruit of the Spirit without God’s Spirit!

 

Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

 

Do you need peace with God (for salvation)? Do you need the peace of God (for a troubled mind)? Do you need peace on earth (for a troubled relationship)? You Can Have It In The Holy Ghost!