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Ten Principles for Getting Along With Difficult People
By: Author Unknown
- Maintain your confidence by being in right relationship with God. You can’t be objective or discerning if you’re not in good standing with God. A strong relationship with God gives you the grace and confidence to deal properly with difficult people.
- Remember over- reacting will only accentuate the conflict and confuse the issue.
- Hold realistic expectations. Make sure the difficult person can reach your expectations. You may be expecting him to do or be something that is impossible.
- Quit trying to change the difficult person. Give up your rights and expectations regarding this person. Accept the fact that you can’t change him, but you can change your reactions to him.
- Refuse to play his games. He may attempt to use you or make you feel guilty or obligated. Recognize the emotional games, and don’t participate.
- Don’t allow yourself to become the difficult person’s slave. Be honest with yourself and learn to say no.
- Keep a proper spirit and attitude. Maintaining credibility is the greatest struggle. Don’t let bitterness, anger, or resentment grow.
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In his book The Next Generation Leader, Andy Stanley offers 5 valid points to consider if you desire to be an effective leader. We highly recommend this book to anyone in a leadership position.
- Face it, you are not as good as you could be. So what are you going to do about it? The only way to go farther, faster, is to engage outside help. You can maximize your leadership potential by getting a coach...or two.
- Find someone to observe you in a variety of leadership settings. Outside input is critical. Even if you could watch yourself in a mirror twenty-four hours day, you would never see yourself as others see you.
- Select a coach who has no axe to grind and not reason to be anything except brutally honest. He need not be an expert in your field. What your coach must be able to do , however, is put himself in the shoes of those who are influenced by your leadership.
It began with the outpouring of the Holy Ghost in Acts chapter two, but was continued and maintained, in part at least, by the giving and sacrifice of the first century church!
The bible says that they gave their all and laid it at the Apostles feet. They sold houses and land, possessions and goods, and parted them to those who had need of them.
Were these new, born again, Christians giving of their all, simply out of faith, or was there some precedent that had been set by the words and actions of the Jesus and His disciples?
Obviously, these Christians did not yet have the New Testament writings to refer to...but they were there in person when Jesus taught, instructed, and acted as their example in all things.[ read more...]
When you become a pastor you don't get past the need to hear the Word of God preached. In fact preaching is just as much for the saved and it is for the sinner.
1. Preaching saves preachers.
Since God chose preaching as His method to save mankind, one must continually hear the word of God preached in order to stay saved. Preaching saves sinners and saints alike. Hearing one's self preach is not enough to make that happen.
1 Cor 1:21
21 For after that in the wisdom of God the world by wisdom knew not God, it pleased God by the foolishness of preaching to save them that believe.
2. Preaching causes us to be accountable and to examine ourselves.
One of the dangers of only hearing yourself preach is never having anybody else correct you. You become in danger of being your only standard of right and wrong. Preachers need to hear the Truth just as much or more than anybody else.[ read more...]
How do you evaluate your performance as a Christian leader? I hope it’s not just by how hard you work or how good your intentions are. Listed are 15 points to use as a gauge of leadership effectiveness:
- Leaders know their No. 1 assignment is to develop others. The find joy in giving a new skill to someone they have a glimmer of vision for. Leaders develop other leaders; non-leaders are interested only in self-development.
- Leaders understand the “WOW factor.” The WOW factor means a commitment to a standard of excellence that goes beyond the call of duty.
- Leaders see what is really going on. They understand that parking-lot attendants aren’t just parking cars; they are forming a first impression and winning friends. Effective preachers realize that when they are preaching, something more is happening; They are building faith and bringing healing. Anointed musicians know they aren’t just playing music; they are opening hearts.
- Leaders are people of action. They do. They don’t just talk. This is one of the key factors that sets the leaders apart from the followers.
- Effective leaders have dealt with their insecurities. Leaders make room for others. They seldom feel threatened and are happy to make room for the growth of those they lead.
- Leaders don’t care who gets the credit. The success of the cause is more important than the need for a personal ego boost.
- Leaders constantly find new ways to include people in the action. Only a small portion of the work is done by the leaders themselves.
Leadership is a complex issue in the 21st Century. Christian leaders at every level in business, church, school, and at home are faced with numerous challenges. A common feeling is that of being overwhelmed.
Christian leaders face difficulty and uncertainty every day. The world is changing rapidly. The political, economical, and social pressures are encroaching more and more into everyone’s daily lives. Although leaders face the same challenges as everyone else, they have the added burden of trying to have answers for others as well.
Ask Yourself a Few Simple Questions
As a leader:
· Who do you turn to for guidance, advice, and instruction?
· Who can you trust not only in their advice, but also in confidentiality?
· Who already knows what you need to know and is willing to share their knowledge with you?
· Who equips you to meet challenges when you do not yet know what tomorrow’s challenges even are yet?
· How do you know if you are lacking the skills required to lead and succeed in the 21st Century?
· Are other leaders outpacing you?
· Are you facing new and more complex challenges that you never faced before?
· Are you struggling with the challenge of developing leaders around you?
If so you need a mentor.[ read more...]
I’ve heard many people say over the last year that, as we enter into the 21st century, it will not be the size of the church that matters, but its health that will ensure its survival. So, what about the health of the church? May I suggest a few guidelines for assessing the health of a congregation of any size?
- Biblically based. Do your congregation members have a clear understanding of what they believe and substantial information to assist them in defending their faith? Is there a discipleship- training program?
- Mutually concerned. Do your people genuinely care for one another? Is there a system in operation that easily allows your congregation to know when people have needs and a prayer chain to respond to those needs?
- Socially concerned. If you do not have a small group ministry, do you have a Sunday School program that provides adequate time for your people to break bread together? Church is fellowship as much as it is a formal worship service.
- Community saturated. Are you aware of the day-to-day decisions that are made in your community that affect the school system, the social programs, and the overall moral climate of the city you serve?
- Financially stable. The church that is fiscally responsible will be able to weather any situation. Every pastor and board should insist on maintaining a certain dollar reserve, and do everything possible to avoid paralyzation of ministry through an unrealistic building or property debt. People must be taught by example to give and to give cheerfully.
Have You Been Praying that God Would Restore Someone's Health...
But with No Answer?
Many have prayed for healing and felt like their prayers landed on deaf ears. It can be frustrating. It can wear your faith down and have you wondering if God still cares. Rest assured he certainly does care!
Do you feel that you have faith, but for some reason
have never seen miracles?
Everyone knows someone who’s in need of physical, emotional or mental healing. Yet most people who aren’t educated or experienced with the will of God, seem lost and often unsure if their prayers will even be answered. Is there anything you can do to prepare yourself (or someone else) for a healing?[ read more...]
An indispensable trait for successful pastors is perseverance. The New Testament word, hupomeno, is best translated "Patiently enduring" or "overcoming difficulties." This unglamorous component of leadership may disappoint those hoping to build effective churches by means of skill, charisma and intelligence alone. Never the less, those who persevere - who doggedly pursue what God has shown them - are more likely to reach their pastoral goals than those sprinting along in reliance on their natural abilities. Perseverance is characterized by three elements:
- Learned Optimism
Resilience - is the ability to bounce back.
Learned Optimism - defined as having an eye for what is going right.
Opportunism - enables the pastor to see opportunities amid the problems.
“A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle.” Prov 18:19
Bob stopped me a while back to thank me. A trustee and board member in his church, he explained that he and his wife were greatly offended by a situation and people in the church. He told how one Sunday without knowing their situation, I encouraged them. I told them that “they were very important to the work of God there” and a “wonderful example to me”. I didn’t know they had already decided this was their last service in that church. He told me that had it not been for my encouraging them that day, they never would have gone back.
I wonder how many Bob’s leave the church without anybody noticing.
It is often said, “If we could just win back those who have already left, that would be a great revival. My question is, “how did we ever let them get away in the first place”?
In my years of pastoring and ministry, I’ve found that people usually leave the church because they were never truly assimilated into the family of God to begin with. Once a person is established into the church and have formed nurturing relationships, it’s less likely they would become offended and leave.
We think that we have to “get them into the choir right away” or “find them a position or job in the church” to keep new converts. This may help that person feel more attached, but it will never assimilate them into the church.
Why do people exit the church? Many times, a person leaves because they were never provided the proper relationships within the church.[ read more...]