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Why Home Friendship Groups? - Community
By: James Smith
There are two essential elements of community. 1) interpersonal commitments and 2) a sense of belonging. True community needs both of these elements in operation. Without interpersonal commitments, a sense of belonging would soon be lost as a sense of belonging is derived from and is a result of the interpersonal commitments. Did I loose you there? Ok, let me break it down.
Bob joins a new church. He is warmly welcomed. He soon receives salvation. Bob likes the people and enjoys what he feels in the church. However, as time goes on, Bob soon realizes that since his only real commitment is to come to church, worship and give in the offerings, his commitment level is not very deep. In fact, if Bob only develops a deep relationship with the pastor there, then the Pastor is Bob’s only real reason for staying there. What happens however, when Bob gets upset at the pastor? What happens if the pastor resigns? You and I know what happens, Bob soon leaves. However, what would happen if Bob were was interconnected in a deep level of community or fellowship with 10-12 other people within the church? (Small Group) What if it were possible that Bob could get upset with the Pastor, yet his love for and interconnectedness with these other 10-12 were so deep that he would stay?
Relationships are powerful. A good relationship will build a person up and a bad relationship has the potential to destroy someone. We often fail to realize the value of relationships within the church. We exhaust ourselves with evangelistic efforts and get so excited over the sudden growth or influx of visitors. Yet we then often fail to get those new people into bonding relationships within the church and soon lose them. What we end up with is a person who is easily offended and will have nothing or nobody to stand in their way of an exodus.
I have actually heard pastors say a key to keeping someone is to find them something to do in the church. “Make him an usher.” “Let her teach Sunday school.” What happens then when we find that this person was not so qualified to teach that class? What happens when we have to remove them from the position we gave them. This position may be the main thing or the only thing binding them to the Church. (Don’t negate that statement. If you look around your church you will find people whose only connection to the church is their position or role.) I’ll tell you what happens. They leave. Why do they leave? It is because you took away from them the only thing that bound them to the congregation.
Relationships and not jobs or job titles are the most valuable and most bonding element for converts. Jesus understood this. Notice in the whole 3 years He discipled the 12, he never did hand out offices or titles. He built relationships. He not only connected them to Himself, but He connected them to one another. Why did he eat at their houses and teach in their homes? He knew that this was the place were deep meningful relationships could be developed.
It is the early relationships in a person’s life that molds their emotional and spiritual make up. A child who is wounded by those relationships will grow up a wounded adult. Relationships give us identity within a unit. They give us purpose and reason for belonging. A bad relationship in a marriage will cause a person to seek ways to leave the marriage. A good relationship in a marriage will cause a person to find ways to improve that relationship. This principle works the same in any case.
Within the church we realize that problems will arise. Negative personalities and situations within a congregation will work to drive people away or cause them to leave. However those influences will have little effect if the individual is in a deep meaningful relationship with others in the church.
Can I give you an example? I have seen in marriages where a spouse will stay in an adulterous or abusive marriage simply because they do not want to hurt the children. We would all agree that this marriage should remain, but notice the reason many people stay in an abusive and unfaithful situation, it is for the children. The person has other relationships within the marriage that cause them to “stick it out”. They are interconnected within the family to other people than the one who is the offender.
For this reason it is imperative that we labor as hard at building relationships within the church as we do at evangelizing. Opps, I just lost someone there. I went too fast. Ok, let me ask you something. What kind of a society would we have if women became impregnated and in 9 months gave birth to a child that they never did raise? As a matter of fact, the child never did even know its father. No brothers. No sisters. We just threw them out into society to be raised by and reared up by who ever and what ever came alone. You and I know that this would breed a dysfunctional person and ultimately one messed up society. Yet we somehow believe that the church can become impregnated with revival, give birth to souls and then not give those people bonding relationships that connect them to the family unit that is the church.
It is not enough to teach someone a bible study, baptize them and see them filled with the Holy Ghost. I wish it were. That is fairly easy. In this, God is doing most of the work. We simply teach the person and pray with them. No really love relationship is necessary. But a relationship takes work. It takes commitment. It brings us to a place with our brother or sister where we have to work threw some things rather than just write each other off. It gives significance to Jesus’ statement when he said the world would know we are His disciples because we have Love one for another. Notice he did not say we would have a casual commitment with these people, but we would have a Love for them.
Home Friendship Groups offer to the church the mechanism needed to create and maintain genuine Love relationships. Within a small group these relationships work together to reinforce the teachings of the church as well as bind the person to the family unit that is the local church.
--James Smith ©2004
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New Pastors often make elementary mistakes when they assume the pastorate of a church. Even though you’re now the pastor, you’re still the “new kid on the block.” Listed are some strategies to employ during the first year of your new pastorate.
- Earn confidence by showing competence in decision-making.
- Focus on people first – programs second.
- Make no major changes the first year.
- Promote health through loving the people.
- Tackle the most critical problems one at a time – line them up single file.
- Respect culture – each church has its unique history.
When You're The New Pastor
New Pastors often make elementary mistakes when they assume the pastorate of a church. Even though you’re now the pastor, you’re still the “new kid on the block.” Listed are some strategies to employ during the first year of your new pastorate.
- Earn confidence by showing competence in decision-making.
- Focus on people first – programs second.
- Make no major changes the first year.
- Promote health through loving the people.
- Tackle the most critical problems one at a time – line them up single file.
- Respect culture – each church has its unique history.
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Here are some simple ways to keep the little things from taking over your life:
- Ask yourself the question, “Will this matter a year from now?” Is what you are worked up over going to matter a year from now? If not, don’t let it destroy you today.
- Practice Humility. The less compelled you are to try to prove yourself to others, the easier it is to feel peace inside.
- Remember that you become what you practice the most. How do you spend your time? What you do is what you become.
- Every day, tell at least one person something you like, admire, or appreciate about them. Telling others that you appreciate them takes almost no effort, but pays enormous dividends.
- Choose your battles wisely. Every circumstance or problem is not worth the fight. There will always be things and people that don’t do right.
- Life is a test. It is only a test. When you look at life as a test, you begin to see each issue as an opportunity to grow.
- Remind yourself that when you die, your “In Basket” won’t be empty. The purpose of life isn’t necessarily to get it all done, but to do the right things.
Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff
Here are some simple ways to keep the little things from taking over your life:
- Ask yourself the question, “Will this matter a year from now?” Is what you are worked up over going to matter a year from now? If not, don’t let it destroy you today.
- Practice Humility. The less compelled you are to try to prove yourself to others, the easier it is to feel peace inside.
- Remember that you become what you practice the most. How do you spend your time? What you do is what you become.
- Every day, tell at least one person something you like, admire, or appreciate about them. Telling others that you appreciate them takes almost no effort, but pays enormous dividends.
- Choose your battles wisely. Every circumstance or problem is not worth the fight. There will always be things and people that don’t do right.
- Life is a test. It is only a test. When you look at life as a test, you begin to see each issue as an opportunity to grow.
- Remind yourself that when you die, your “In Basket” won’t be empty. The purpose of life isn’t necessarily to get it all done, but to do the right things.
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For the last six weeks or so, I have been researching, reading, and taking notes from various places concerning the difficult subject of spiritual abuse. One of the reasons for my doing this is in preparation for a theological forum to be held in Albany, Georgia in a few weeks. It is being organized by the former president of Texas Bible College, J. R. Ensey and hosted by Pastor Steve Waldron.
Back in the summer, Brother Ensey sent out an e-mail soliciting papers to be written on various subjects and after musing through the choices, I started thinking more along the lines of a pastoral theology kind of subject. Although I am not quite sure how I finally settled on this particular issue, I have been thoroughly enlightened on this subject.
In the past, I have written on church trouble from the angle of people in the congregation who found great enthusiasm for tormenting pastors until they finally ran them off. The religious landscape is littered with men who no longer pastor churches and gave up the calling of a ministry because of a situation where they found themselves in great contention with the hidden powers that ran the church. If you are interested you may read those old Barnabas Blog posts from a couple of years ago (Part 1 & Part 2). Since writing those posts, I have observed a few more of these unfortunate situations as they unfolded.
On the other hand, there are also churches that have had endure terrible abuses at the hands of heavy-handed, manipulative, and dark pastors who fall into the category of being a spiritual abuser.
I must say from the outset that this kind of activity to me is totally foreign because of the environment that I grew up in with my own pastor (and now father-in-law) Joe Patterson. Because of his spiritual leadership, I grew up with the idea that the church was the most incredible, warm, and safe place on the earth. It was only after I begin to travel around a bit and grew up some spiritually and mentally that I was exposed to the dark side of the church and ministry. To be quite frank with you, it was a bit unnerving and initially faith-jarring.
[ read more...]
The Dark Side of Spiritual Abuse -- Part 1
For the last six weeks or so, I have been researching, reading, and taking notes from various places concerning the difficult subject of spiritual abuse. One of the reasons for my doing this is in preparation for a theological forum to be held in Albany, Georgia in a few weeks. It is being organized by the former president of Texas Bible College, J. R. Ensey and hosted by Pastor Steve Waldron.
Back in the summer, Brother Ensey sent out an e-mail soliciting papers to be written on various subjects and after musing through the choices, I started thinking more along the lines of a pastoral theology kind of subject. Although I am not quite sure how I finally settled on this particular issue, I have been thoroughly enlightened on this subject.
In the past, I have written on church trouble from the angle of people in the congregation who found great enthusiasm for tormenting pastors until they finally ran them off. The religious landscape is littered with men who no longer pastor churches and gave up the calling of a ministry because of a situation where they found themselves in great contention with the hidden powers that ran the church. If you are interested you may read those old Barnabas Blog posts from a couple of years ago (Part 1 & Part 2). Since writing those posts, I have observed a few more of these unfortunate situations as they unfolded.
On the other hand, there are also churches that have had endure terrible abuses at the hands of heavy-handed, manipulative, and dark pastors who fall into the category of being a spiritual abuser.
I must say from the outset that this kind of activity to me is totally foreign because of the environment that I grew up in with my own pastor (and now father-in-law) Joe Patterson. Because of his spiritual leadership, I grew up with the idea that the church was the most incredible, warm, and safe place on the earth. It was only after I begin to travel around a bit and grew up some spiritually and mentally that I was exposed to the dark side of the church and ministry. To be quite frank with you, it was a bit unnerving and initially faith-jarring.
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- Believe in what you say. Ferdinand Foch said, “The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.” All the crafting in the world can’t save a message that has no passion in it. If you can’t get excited about a subject, don’t preach on it.
- Believe that people can change. Keep in mind that all great communicators have one thing in common: They expect their message to change lives.
- Live what you say. Unless you have credibility, even the best content will get you nowhere. If you don’t live it, your listeners won’t either.
- Know when to say it. Be observant of people’s reactions to your message. When you sense that people are receptive, it is time to ask for a response.
- Know how to say it. Creativity greatly enhances communication. Use all the tools you can to make the message interesting and memorable: plays on words, acrostics, humor, stories, skits, music – all can help increase your impact. Avoid being too predictable. If people always know what you are about to say or how you will say it, they will tune you out.....
Communicator Keys
American society is in the midst of a communications explosion. All sorts of electronic and print media vie for people’s attention. Amid this cultural revolution, there you are, trying to communicate the most important message of all time – the good news of Jesus Christ. How can you possibly compete? Following these 10 principles will ensure greater impact for your preaching.
- Believe in what you say. Ferdinand Foch said, “The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.” All the crafting in the world can’t save a message that has no passion in it. If you can’t get excited about a subject, don’t preach on it.
- Believe that people can change. Keep in mind that all great communicators have one thing in common: They expect their message to change lives.
- Live what you say. Unless you have credibility, even the best content will get you nowhere. If you don’t live it, your listeners won’t either.
- Know when to say it. Be observant of people’s reactions to your message. When you sense that people are receptive, it is time to ask for a response.
- Know how to say it. Creativity greatly enhances communication. Use all the tools you can to make the message interesting and memorable: plays on words, acrostics, humor, stories, skits, music – all can help increase your impact. Avoid being too predictable. If people always know what you are about to say or how you will say it, they will tune you out.....
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· God wants you to succeed in ministry!
· God desires that you experience great revival in your church and ministry!
· God has guaranteed that the church will prevail!
The powerful force of excitement and energy in the Church doesn’t have to stop or slow down. You CAN maintain Ministry Momentum.
David Church and I have set out to build a resource together that would challenge what most people think about church leadership and keeping the momentum going when things start to fade, and people lose interest.
In Momentum in Ministry you’ll learn:
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2. How to become the Church that God Designed.
3. How to attain everything that God has promised.
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5. How to maintain momentum.
6. How to use timing to your advantage.
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The Principle of Momentum
Why Shouldn’t We Succeed?
· God wants you to succeed in ministry!
· God desires that you experience great revival in your church and ministry!
· God has guaranteed that the church will prevail!
The powerful force of excitement and energy in the Church doesn’t have to stop or slow down. You CAN maintain Ministry Momentum.
David Church and I have set out to build a resource together that would challenge what most people think about church leadership and keeping the momentum going when things start to fade, and people lose interest.
In Momentum in Ministry you’ll learn:
1. Keys to consistent growth.
2. How to become the Church that God Designed.
3. How to attain everything that God has promised.
4. How to create momentum.
5. How to maintain momentum.
6. How to use timing to your advantage.
7. How to build momentum for your altar service.
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Jesus is interested in Kingdom growth (converted sinners). His plan is that all would come to repentance, this is the will of God. True growth is not budgets and buildings, but it is souls added to the kingdom. Every church must have a plan to add souls to the kingdom. If you do not plan for this to happen then it is not going to happen. Some plans succeed, others fail. The question is, do you have a plan, and is your plan working?...
Is Your Plan For Church Growth Working?
Jesus is interested in Kingdom growth (converted sinners). His plan is that all would come to repentance, this is the will of God. True growth is not budgets and buildings, but it is souls added to the kingdom. Every church must have a plan to add souls to the kingdom. If you do not plan for this to happen then it is not going to happen. Some plans succeed, others fail. The question is, do you have a plan, and is your plan working?...
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People in every community are in need of healing and restoration. “Are You Ready for Your Healing?” is a tremendous tool to help you connect those individuals in your community to Jesus. The lessons in this series are designed to teach people the faith-building Biblical truths about God’s ability to heal the body, mind, emotions, and even your past. It unveils many common barriers, misperceptions, and hindrances to healing and provides truths and insights as to how God really works....
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Protecting Your Time with God
If you haven't figured it out by now, many pitfalls exist in ministry. At the top of the list of dangers that pastors and staff members must avoid is substituting work for God as worship of God. After almost 30 years in ministry, I will be the first to admit that there is much work to be done, especially if one takes the task of the Great Commission seriously. The "to do" list seems endless at times.....
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