How important are relationships anyway? I don’t know about you, but in my life, one of the things that has caused me the most pain, is relationships with other people. The relationship between myself and my parents when I was growing up was a most excruciating experience. I nearly took my own life as an adolescent because of the painful experience of relationships in our home. My brothers and sisters beat up on me and literally tortured my brother and I at times.
I have to admit, my understanding of proper relationships or relationship skills was pretty messed up for almost half of my life. For that matter, even for the last 20 years of ministering to others, I have to admit, I have suffered painfully at the hands of relationships with people. People I have trusted have stolen from me and lied on me. People I have loved, have hated me. People I have helped have turned on me. I don’t know about you, but relationships with other people, have really hurt me.
On the other hand, my relationships with some other people have been my salvation. Had it not been for a relationship with a friend in High School, I may have never been introduced to Christ. My relationship with my Pastor helped mold my character as a young man. My relationship with other ministers has solidified my faith and walk with God. My relationship with other Christians, has renewed my faith in people and allowed me to experience a proper relationship experience. In fact many of the brothers and sisters in the church are closer to me than my own siblings. My relationship with my wife has given me something to work towards every day. My relationship with my children is my passion.
Relationships. A good relationship can make you, but a bad relationship can destroy you. The chance we take to have a good relationship is almost not worth the risk to many people. They have been so hurt by relationships that they choose rather to become introvert and avoid relationships with other people at all costs. Their way of avoiding another painful experience is to avoid all close relationships.
This almost sounds like good rational to me. If you stick your hand into a flame enough times, you will learn by the pain to avoid fire. The problem we run into with this thinking is we are creatures designed to have relationships. It’s in our make up. Our own spiritual DNA shows a need for and desire to have a relationship with God Himself. As well, humans have always grouped together in villages, hamlets and cities – why? There is a human need for relationships. As much as these people don’t talk to the average person on the street, neither would they leave the village to live the life of the hermit who would remove himself from any possibility of relationships with other people.
The church was my salvation in many ways. Most importantly, with regards to relationships. Had it not been for the loving embrace of the church, I would have never learned to trust people. Jesus understood the value of relationships within the church. By becoming flesh and walking among men, He showed an attempt to create relationships with people. His example to us was to become the most powerful force on the planet. The result of His building relationships with the disciples and many others was the establishment of the Church. His commandment to that same church was to build and cultivate relationships with one another and the rest of the world. In fact he told us that our identity with him would be confirmed to a lost world when we showed “Love one toward another”.
In a Small Group church, proper relationships are established and maintained. Many have testified that these relationships have been the source of strength which have helped them maintain a consistent walk with God. Without proper relationships or with only surface relationships, an individual has no real connection with the church body and easily finds reason to leave.
A relationship with a person is powerful. Entering into a good relationship with a person enables you opportunity to affect that person in many ways. In fact you’re allowed, by that person, to express your views, opinions and beliefs. As a result, your bond with them will cause them to assume much of the same belief system as you have.
It is important that the Church look closely at it’s relationship building ministry. Is there such a thing in your church? Do you have a ministry that directly works to build relationships among the members of your church? If not, your people may be missing out on the blessing of having and developing many good relationships within the Body of Christ.
By Rev. James Smith
