Most Worry is Unnecessary

Most of us worry unnecessarily about too many things.

It's almost as though we search for problems to give ourselves stress. The amazing news is that much of what we worry about doesn't matter at all! Take a look at these statistics about worry...

Be A Man!

"A good man leaveth an inheritance to his children's children: and the wealth of the sinner is laid up for the just" (Proverbs 13:22). 

"Behold, the third time I am ready to come to you; and I will not be burdensome to you: for I seek not yours, but you: for the children ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children" (II Corinthians 12:14).

"Be a Man!" When we were boys, my brother Rick would say this to me after he slugged me and made cry. Brothers can be the best of friends and they can also be very cruel to one another. Rick was 6 years older than I was and without a father in our home at the time, he was the only male role-model in our home and at times, quite the bully.

Be a man. Wow! What volumes of pain and suffering in this world would be avoided if the husbands, fathers and leaders of our world would truly be men. To be a man, has been my personal quest since I was very young. I wasn't quite sure as a boy, what a man was, but something in my heart and mind told me that to be a man was something honorable and good. 

Coming from a dysfunctional family, my understanding of the role of a man has been blurred to say the least. Looking back at my childhood, I realize that the example of a good man was never shown to me. In my early years of being a father, I realized this when I began feeling and expressing a father's love to my children. It was then that I realized that I had never truly been the benefactor of such caring, protective love. Painful memories flooded my mind often as I would compare the careful love my children received from my wife and I, with the careless and even abusive treatment my bothers, sisters and I received at the hands of our parents.

It was at this point in my life, that I realized I was more a true man than anyone in my family had ever modeled before me. No parent, grandparent, or uncle had shown me what it was to be a man. Their own dysfunctional upbringings had so marred their lives that they were incapable of it. I also realized that I had a Heavenly Father who had been and was my example....

A Husband's Responsibilities - For Men Only

1. He is to love his wife as Christ loved the church.

"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband" (Ephesians 5:25-33).

• This is total self-giving love. He can only love his wife to the degree that he receives the love of God. Through this kind of love, he brings a sanctification and cleansing for his wife. 

2. He is to be tenderhearted toward his wife. 

"And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you" (Ephesians 4:32).

"Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye" (Colossians 3:12- 13).

• The one major complaint women give about their husbands is that they are not tenderhearted (sensitive to their feelings). "He just can't show his emotions....

Making Changes Without Getting People Steamed

"The fiercest battles are seldom fought over theology. More often, they are fought over change; sometimes even the slightest change. Here's a process that can smooth the way for change."

Test the waters. The first thing to with a new idea is find out how people will react should the change take place. First, it lets you know if your dissatisfaction with the status quo is shared by others. Second, testing the waters will tell you what changes not to make. Finally, it lets you know what aspects of a proposed change will cause the most resistance and who the resisters are most likely to be......

The Ideal Mentor Always...

1.  Tells you the truth – even when it hurts. 

One man who has been one of my mentors for almost 18 years especially stands out because of his honesty with me.  Early in my ministry and marriage, he pulled me aside and explained to me that I was not very respectful to my wife in public.  He explained that the ladies of the church would not honor me as a minister for this reason.  At the time I was offended that he would tell me this as I thought I was very good to my wife.  However, years later, I see where he was coming from.  I’m grateful that he was bold enough and honest enough to talk to me about a sensitive subject.  Honoring my wife and publicly showing her affection has not only given me respect among the other ladies of the church, but has also been a blessing to our marriage.

2.  Shows a good example for you to follow.

The old cliché “Do as I say, not as I do.” Does not work in mentoring.  A lifelong mentor should be someone who is a model of who you want to become.  Everyone is a little bit like the people who have parented them.   Part of a mentor’s role is to let the protégé watch them closely in the work that they do.  One of my mentors would often times invite me to sit in on important meetings that I had no experience in.  I would never say a word unless asked my input.  I understood that I was there to observe and to learn.  I watched my mentor closely to see how he handled fragile situations that I had no experience in.  I would often ask myself how I would handle these often sensitive meetings, but would then watch my mentor expertly handle delicate subjects with Godly wisdom.

3.  Sees you as family.

Mentoring someone is a life long commitment.  Your best mentors are not people who are only a part of your life for a short amount of time.  A mentor sees you as a son or daughter in the Gospel.  Paul who mentored Timothy referred to him as his son.  Anything less than a family level commitment may prove to be a surface only relationship between mentor and protégé.  Often times, subjects discussed in a mentoring relationship are sensitive and personal.  A protégé needs to know that he is going to someone who is a father figure who only has the protégé’s best interest in mind. 

4.  Shows himself/herself to be open and transparent with you.

A good mentor is someone who is not afraid to talk to those they mentor about their failures as well as their successes.  My father would often say to me, “Don’t make the same mistakes that I have made.”  This is a good reason for mentors to be open with their protégés.  You may save that person a tremendous amount of pain and numerous mistakes by revealing to them the mistakes you yourself have made along the way.

10 Steps To An Empowered Team

Are you struggling to get things done?  Are you the one who is usually completing the projects of your church and overseeing every ministry?  Does it seem like there is never enough time to get all that you need done, even though you are not doing nearly what your vision would require?  Are you feeling used up and exhausted?

You are not alone!  Many Pastors and ministry leaders feel this same way. One of the reasons is because we are not very good at utilizing the talents and strengths of others.  Here are 10 ways you can begin utilizing the people in your ministry to create a more resourceful and accomplished ministry team.   

1. Cast a vision - The next time you get up to announce a new ministry in your church or the direction you feel the church should be taking, cast a vision.  Share with your ministry team the end result.  You don't have to tell them all of what it is going to take to get there, just tell them the end result.  "I believe our church can be running 200 by next Easter!"  Now there will be many facets of ministry that are going to be needed to cause your congregation to run 200 by Easter, but for now all you want to do is give the leadership team a goal.  "200 by Easter!"
2. Ask for help - Acknowledging you need help is liberating for the leader!  it is also a grand opportunity for the team to feel like they are coming alongside their pastor.  Asking for help is not becoming vulnerable, it is being honest.  It is also being responsible.  God gave you your ministry team for a reason.  That reason is so that you can utilize their talents, knowledge and energy to accomplish the work of ministry God has envisioned you with.  "Would you consider working together and with me to cause our church to be running 200 by Easter?".....

Bi-Vocational Pastors

If your ministry is only one of your jobs, here are 12 tips to make the road a little smother.  

In light of the fact that 50 percent of all North American churches have 75 people or fewer, many pastors do not receive full salary from the church they serve. This forces them to consider options such as finding other employment on the side or having a spouse work to help make ends meet.

1. Guard your attitudes. Sometimes it is hard for those “called into the ministry” to accept the fact that they may have to work “secular” jobs at times. These are understandable feelings, but will lead to bitterness of heart and cripple our ministries unless we overcome them.
2. Look primarily to God. It is easy to become resentful toward people if we look to them as our sources. God is our ultimate employer and provider, not the church.
3. Beware of get- rich-quick schemes. A pastor desperate for additional sources of income may be vulnerable to the allure of multilevel marketing and other “easy money” systems.
4. Assess the hidden costs of having a spouse that works. After the cost of travel, food on the road, child care, house cleaning etc, you may find that it is cheaper for them to stay home. A job or career is often times more of an outlet or escape. Check all the motives and the real cost involved.
5. Make the most of the situation while you’re at it. Working a secular job can actually have many overlooked benefits other than just additional income: contact with unchurched people and experience with realities of work environments.
6. Define your ministry. Bi-vocational pastors should beware of trying to have a “full- service” ministry. You need definite limits and boundaries. You cannot do everything, so you must have a clear focus for what you will handle....

Get Some People Principles!

You cannot consistently perform in a manner that is inconsistent with the way you see yourself. Think about it. It's a fact of life that people spend the most time doing what they believe will benefit them most.

When you realize that people treat you according to how they see themselves rather than how you really are, you are less likely to take personally their behavior toward you....

How Do You Demonstrate Leadership?

Fundamental principles underlie the thinking and conduct of all true leaders, and these principles are even sharply defined for leaders within the kingdom of God. From time to time those whom the Lord has chosen for leadership need to examine themselves in the mirror of thought- provoking maxims. These proverbs are designed to help Christian leaders move forward in administrative excellence.

Responsible leaders do not make irresponsible statements.

A godly leader speaks out of the presence of God.

A humble leader never makes light of eternal truths, but esteems them with reverence.

A wise leader resolves conflicts peacefully, not forcefully.

An enduring leader withstands insult without anger.

A wholesome leader is characterized by tolerance, which saves him from hasty decisions in crisis, and retaliations in the face of contrariness.

The good leader attempts to make friends, not enemies.

Dealing harshly with opponents causes more aggravation and hostility. A polite leader uses gentleness and kindness.