The Dark Side of Spiritual Abuse - Part 5

What I increasingly discovered was in these dark spiritually abusive environments, it serves as excellent and fertile conditions for hypocrisy to prevail. As you dig deeper into these environments you soon discover dark, deviant sins and moral corruption simmering beneath the surface. I believe that the huge level of repression that takes place in these “churches” does nothing except bring out the worst sins of the flesh. Although when someone finally does decide to speak up concerning the matter of these dark sins, the leader usually resorts to efforts of damage control so that the leadership and the church do not have a soiling of “reputation.” Man hasn’t really learned any new tricks about covering sin; he still resorts to insufficient fig leaves just as Adam and Eve did at the beginning of the state of man.

What I also found to be very surprising is that most of the time the wife of the leader will also work toward damage control. She will do everything within her power to live up to the social pressures of maintaining some semblance of normalcy in the various relationships she has within the church. She apparently has come to understand that the dark side of her mate can shift on her as much as it does with those people he is taking advantage of. So instead of dealing with the moral and spiritual failure that is present things are left to follow the course of gravity. Gravity leads the person to maintain an environment of manipulation and absolute mind control on those people he is supposed to serve.

While I have written about the traits and characteristics of those who are involved in a spiritually abusive environment, I have not been specific with practices of spiritual abuse. I will list some of the practices while leaving some of the most extreme situations out as some would probably be absolutely shocked to know this kind of thing takes place under the guise of religion. So here are some actual practices of spiritual abuse:

• A member having to submit financial records to the church leader and the leader determines how and when they are to spend their money.

• A member having to sell various things on a constant basis to feed the coffers of the church so that it entirely benefits the leader.

• A wide disparity between the lifestyle of the leader and the members. He lives like a king while the members appear to live at a level of poverty or barely just able to get by.

• The leader using a “word of knowledge” or “word of wisdom” to pick a spouse for those who are in the congregation.

• Members being absolutely forbidden to question the direction the leader takes or question the decisions he is making.

Car Washes and Leadership

I marveled as I observed each presentation. The goals were impressive, and every presenter received accolades at the conclusion of each delivery. It was an annual goal setting and calendar planning session. It was expected that I would be impressed. When everyone was finished the pastor asked me if I had any questions for the various department leaders now that the presentations were finished. I did have a few.

“How many people on your team or in each department have any clue as to what you just presented? As the department leader did any of you create these presentations on your own and without the input of your team? Were any of these presentations simply modifications to last years? Did anyone achieve what was proposed to do last year? How do you hold yourselves accountable to attaining these goals? Do you or they know how you are going to accomplish these goals? How do your goals support the goals of the other departments? Are the goals of every department mutually supporting one common church vision? Are the goals of any one department pulling in a separate direction and counteracting the goals of another? Did the church develop its vision first and then have every department develop goals that are essential in order to reach the vision? Are your goals self-serving or do they benefit everyone else? Are any departments competing for people, calendar time, resources or talents in order to achieve your goals? How do you intend to measure these goals in order to track them? What data did you use in order to set your goals? Does anybody know exactly where this church is heading and what its vision is?”

These were just a few of the questions I asked. Surprisingly nobody had answers for any of these questions.

I then told them a true story. Recently my wife and were stopped at a traffic light. A Day Care Center was located on the corner and we observed over twenty children and a few teachers having a car wash. It was hilarious! Each child had on a little yellow T-shirt with the Day Care Center logo emblazoned proudly across the front. They were running, chasing each other, and expending a lot of energy. It looked like a swarm of little bees humming around. One little boy was chasing some girls with a soapy sponge. Another was spraying his friends with the water hose. There was a cacophony of screaming and laughter in the air. We both laughed at the sight of the people actually doing all of the work. The teachers were washing the cars and trying in vain to get everyone to cooperate with them.

Bi-Vocational Ministry - Your Family

Seven Signs of a Growing Church

42 And they continued stedfastly in the apostles' doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers.43 And fear came upon every soul: and many wonders and signs were done by the apostles.44 And all that believed were together, and had all things common;45 And sold their possessions and goods, and parted them to all men, as every man had need.46 And they, continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, did eat their meat with gladness and singleness of heart,47 Praising God, and having favour with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily such as should be saved.

1.      A Praying Church.

The first century church  continued in prayer. The fact that it continued means that it had previously started. These people had been praying long before the outpouring of the Holy Ghost in the book of Acts.

Acts 1:14  KJV14 These all continued with one accord in prayer and supplication, with the women, and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brethren.

Before the church ever experienced growth there was prayer. Corporate and unified prayer. This was the foundation of what happened in Acts chapter two. Prayer is the most basic and necessary requirement of any church. Prayer is the foundation upon which everything else is built. A praying church is a church that is ready and waiting to do whatever God desires to do amongst them.

7 Things to Consider When Asked to “Lead the Service”

All too often the people who lead the service mislead it.  These good people whom the Pastor has asked to help out in the service many times serve to cause frustration and confusion in a church service.

Leading a service properly can bring about a move of God that can break every yoke in the service.  Leading it improperly can cause people to go home more bound than they were when they came. 

Every element of the service should prepare the way for the next.  The end result of the service is the move of God in the alter.  When you get in the way of the progression, you kill the potential of what could happen.

Here are a few things to consider when asked to “Lead the service”. 

Keep it moving.  Don’t allow for delays or “dead air” places in the services.  In radio, “dead air” is when you hear silence.  It is also when the producer did his job wrong and did not prepare for those seconds of the day.  It is during this time that many people will change the channel or turn off their radio.  You don’t want this happening in the church service.  “No Dead Air!”

Do not continually comment.  If you are introducing the various singers and elements of the service don’t comment each time on the last person who sang or spoke.  Just introduce the next part of the service.

Be prepared.  Have a written outline of how the service will run.  This way you will not forget any part or aspect of the service.  (Forgetting to have the children’s choir sing when they have practiced all week will get a lot of people upset at you.)

Don’t ramble.  Recently I attended a service where the person who led the service in the Pastor’s leave, killed it with his constant rambling.  He actually spoke more than the preacher did.  He thought he was funny with his jokes and spiritual with his “little messages”.  Needless to say, the congregation did not pay much attention to the preacher when he was finally introduced, since they already heard plenty of oratory from the person leading the service.  I love preaching, but I have to admit, the guy leading this service wore me out.

Training Leadership Teams

Jesus died for the sins of the world. His mission was very broad. He did not die for most, several or some. He died for all. When He suffered on the cross, He did not have only a few hundred or a few thousand on His mind. What held Him to that tree was every single man, woman, boy and girl who would ever live on this planet. Is  our own directive is the same? Are we quite satisfied with a few hundred and would we be very satisfied with a few thousand. Think about it.  If your ministry directly affected 1,000 souls on a weekly basis, would you be satisfied? 

We have to stop thinking small. Jesus did not think small. The scripture does not speak small. This gospel was given that every single person ever conceived could have a relationship with Him. For too long the Church’s growth has been limited by our small thinking.

Over 7 billion people on this planet today are missing out on Heaven. We have churches who run 50 and are Pastored by people who are quite satisfied with 50. We also have churches running 50 who are Pastored by people who are so bothered because they cannot get their church to grow, that they doubt they were truly called to the ministry. These people get so frustrated, that they give up and are defeated by their inability to reach their community.

Leaders Love Growth

Only those leaders who act boldly in times of crisis and change are willingly followed.  (Jim Kouzes)

Within the church, God has placed men and women who love to see growth.  It is what keeps us to our tasks.  The lack of increase can kill the joy of our calling so we lean forward looking for any type of progress we can possibly measure.

Growth however, requires change.  Going from where we are presently to a place of increase requires seeing what most people are not able or willing to see.  Seeing change before it happens is called a vision.  Few people are capable of a vision as most would rather stay in a climate that is comfortable.  Comfort however can cause one to never imagine anything better.  A Pastor or congregation who is comfortable with an attendance of 90 will never see a crowd of 300 because they are not desperate enough to make the kinds of changes it would take to gather that kind of increase.

Change means leaving a place that is familiar and going to a place that is unfamiliar.  Few churches are willing to follow even the most seasoned pastor into a place of unfamiliarity.  Here is why so many of our churches stagnate numerically.  This is why the average church in America only runs about 85 people.  Even in cities with populations in the hundreds of thousands, churches often find it hard to get over the 100 person hump. 

Change requires casting a vision.  Within the church it requires faith in the leader who is casting a vision of a place of revival we have not yet seen.  As Moses of old preached of a Promised Land that was ahead, the current day Preacher must be willing to stand in a desert of nothingness and promise something far better than the status quo.  As Joshua shouted, “Let’s cross over this river!” present day church leaders must be willing to look at obstacles as opportunities for miracles instead of places of failure.

No walled city ever came down without some great leader first standing far out front of the crowd and saying it could be done.  No bridge was ever built nor building raised where some imaginative mind did not first dream it.  No church ever grew exponentially without first, the Man or Woman of God casting the vision for it’s growth.

Where are the End Time revivalists who would tell our generation “Jesus is Coming”.  Who are the men and women who will affect the kind of change necessary for a great Later Day outpouring?  Where is the Pastor who will stand in a dormant church and declare “Revival, Growth and Increase”?  

Do You Need A Mentor?

Leadership is a complex issue in the 21^st Century. Christian leaders at every level in business, church, school, and at home are faced with numerous challenges. A common feeling is that of being overwhelmed. 

Christian leaders face difficulty and uncertainty every day. The world is changing rapidly. The political, economical, and social pressures are encroaching more and more into everyone’s daily lives. Although leaders face the same challenges as everyone else, they have the added burden of trying to have answers for others as well.

Ask Yourself a Few Simple Questions

As a leader:

·        Who do you turn to for guidance, advice, and instruction?

·        Who can you trust not only in their advice, but also in confidentiality?

·        Who already knows what you need to know and is willing to share their knowledge with you?

·        Who equips you to meet challenges when you do not yet know what tomorrow’s challenges even are yet?

·        How do you know if you are lacking the skills required to lead and succeed in the 21^st Century?

·        Are other leaders outpacing you? 

·        Are you facing new and more complex challenges that you never faced before?

·        Are you struggling with the challenge of developing leaders around you?

If so you need a mentor.

15 Principles for Organizing Your Life

1. Get Rid of Stuff - Paper, publications and possessions require maintenance; maintenance costs time, energy, space and money. Dispose of seldom or never-used items. Ask yourself, “What will happen if I let this go?” If the answer is “nothing,” get rid of it.
   
   
2. Limit Your Reading Material – Realize that you can’t read, know, or retain all the information you receive. Set up a reading folder for holding unread information. Pitch the oldest material (read or not) when that space is full.
   
   
3. Touch it Once – Be decisive: Handle mail only once and move on. Don’t shuffle papers with the vague “I don’t know what to do with this so I’ll put it here for now” Syndrome. Use a simple DRAFT technique – Delegate, Read, Act, File or Toss – the first time you touch it.
   
   
4. Think Before Acquiring More – Evaluate before accepting new items. Get off mailing/routing lists that serve no purpose. Ask yourself if you really NEED this item.
   
   
5. Organize Before Increasing Space – The more space you have, the more inclined you are to be a saver. Keep things as simple as possible by retaining as few items as you absolutely need.
   
   
6. Don’t Leave Things Out As Reminders – Leaving items out is a common mistake.
   
   
7. Keep Frequently Used Items Handy – Keep within easy reach your current working papers and items you’ll need when you answer the phone.
   
   
8. Don’t Crowd – Individual file folders over ¾ of an inch thick need to be first purged, then divided if necessary.