Why Do I Feel so Alone although I Minister to Others?

Although you may feel like you are the only one, you are not. A large percentage of other pastors and ministers also feel isolated and alone even as they minister to crowds of people on a regular basis. The feeling of isolation or of being alone plagues many ministers and their spouses. This article identifies 12 causes and potential solutions. It also validates a few of the many needs for spiritual Fathers and/or mentors.

The vast majority of Christian leaders do not actually have a mentor or spiritual father in their life.

Each of the following topics could be a guideline for validating the need for a mentor in your life and ministry.

The Isolation of the Calling

If you truly have a calling from God you may be the only one with that particular call. Even a quick cursory review of the Bible reveals men like Abraham, Moses, Joseph, David, Elijah, Jeremiah who felt the pain of isolation and solitude. They had no peers.

Elijah even stated once that he was the only one like himself, but God quickly corrected him by saying there were 7000 others similar to him. Your isolation may have many ingredients such as location, a unique but misunderstood calling, not relating to the people around you, and many others.

Regardless of the reason(s) for your isolation you need to understand that there is someone somewhere who can relate to you. It is your responsibility to climb out of your box of isolation. Of course, God always understands, but there are times you also need people. Just having someone to listen to you is not always enough. You need someone with wisdom and sage advice who can help direct you forward. Perhaps you need a mentor? The right mentor will help you use the isolation of the calling as an advantage to become more effective.

The Solitude of Alone Time

Solitude is a two-edged sword. Although it is healthy to have alone time for self, meditation, exercise, relaxation and prayer, it can also become a dark pit of separation and despair. You must not close out the essential people around you. Your family, staff, and peers each need the right amounts of time with you and your input.

If you do not have alone time in your schedule it is imperative that you work toward finding time for it. You must use your alone time wisely by assuring that there is some personal growth value associated with it. You must also establish some mind guards because an idle mind can wander into areas it should not go into. Always remember that the adversary may use your alone time to speak his deceits into your thoughts.

Training Leadership Teams

Jesus died for the sins of the world. His mission was very broad. He did not die for most, several or some. He died for all. When He suffered on the cross, He did not have only a few hundred or a few thousand on His mind. What held Him to that tree was every single man, woman, boy and girl who would ever live on this planet. Is  our own directive is the same? Are we quite satisfied with a few hundred and would we be very satisfied with a few thousand. Think about it.  If your ministry directly affected 1,000 souls on a weekly basis, would you be satisfied? 

We have to stop thinking small. Jesus did not think small. The scripture does not speak small. This gospel was given that every single person ever conceived could have a relationship with Him. For too long the Church’s growth has been limited by our small thinking.

Over 7 billion people on this planet today are missing out on Heaven. We have churches who run 50 and are Pastored by people who are quite satisfied with 50. We also have churches running 50 who are Pastored by people who are so bothered because they cannot get their church to grow, that they doubt they were truly called to the ministry. These people get so frustrated, that they give up and are defeated by their inability to reach their community.

Sir, Reverend, Would You Have Them Hold the Mayonnaise

There are times that I really get wrapped up with being important. I mean those times when I am so into the importance thing that the whole world finds it’s orbit around me. I know that you may find that hard to believe, that “importance” could have such a dizzying effect on me but it does.

In fact some time ago, I found myself being very important. Our church was hosting a preaching workshop. Rick Wyser was doing his very good seminar “The Six Should-Be’s of Preaching” and I was feeling particularly important. We had plotted and planned and had all sorts of free books, gadgets, computer programs and all sorts of other things to give out to the participants. Somewhere around fifty ministers came and we were having a tremendous time. Nothing motivates me like talking about becoming a better preacher, so I was definitely enjoying the element.

What Motivates Me?

Have you ever thought of the various motivators in your life?

Early in my life I found my father to be a great motivator. His way of motivating is not one I would quickly recommend. I remember one morning when my brother and I were making a little too much noise, a little too early in the morning. Dad wanted to encourage us to “Quite Down!”. His way of motivating us to a more docile nature was to cause our heads to come together with such force as to render us almost unconscious. This was one of the more unkind ways my dad had of motivating his kids.

Thank God that all the people in my life weren’t so barbaric in their way of motivating me.

I remember Mrs. Klewer. She was my 8th grade English teacher who motivated me to learn to read. She allowed me to get a passing grade if I would read a short story of about 20 pages. The reading material was probably on the 1st or 2nd grade level. However, she knew that even this was a great challenge for me and encouraged me in my struggle. As soon as I finished the short story, she put another one in front of me. And so on and so on, until I was getting straight A’s in her class and found a love for reading which I never knew I had. Throughout my high school and college career I would get straight A’s in English because of the gentle nudging (motivating) of someone who could have overlooked my potential but didn’t.

Motivators, some times they come in the form of the Policeman who writes the citation motivating us to “slow down”. In other times they are the kind hearts around us who cheer from the sideline of our life, “You can do it!”. We are all motivated by something. Money. Recognition. Love. Personal Ambition. This list could get very long and would change depending on the person making it.

I wonder though, how often I have allowed God’s Purpose be my motivation. His Purpose takes me beyond my personal goals. Why do I want to be a good preacher? Is it to be heard of men and recognized as such? Or is it so I may persuade men and women to come to the Lord?

Why do I want to be a good father? Is it so my children will call me blessed and so I would have the respect of my neighbors as being a good father? Or is it so my children will learn of my example that their Heavenly Father too is One who can be trusted to keep them and minister to their needs.

God’s Purpose.

What is God’s purpose in my life? I want to find it. I want to know it.

Why Christian Fellowship is Important

"Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching."  (Hebrews 10:25)

The writer of Hebrews clearly stresses that fellowship is very important.  True Christian fellowship can accomplish so much in a person's life.  Sometimes we feel that we don't need fellowship and that we can do things on our own.  This individualistic way of thinking is not how Jesus intended for us to think and He shows us that throughout His Word.  Also, a church will never grow to its full capacity if there is not a love for fellowship.   Our English word, “fellowship” is the translation of the Greek word, “koinonia.”

"Koinonia": meaning "close association; communion; close relationship." It is the most frequently used word for fellowship, sharing,  and communion.  This speaks of the act of using a thing in common.

The word "fellowship" is found numerous times throughout the Bible. In the Greek New Testament, the word koinonia occurs nineteen times.   This beautiful Greek word has become almost as popular in English-speaking congregations as the well-known agape (love).  Fellowship groups and Bible classes are sometimes called "koinonias."  Fellowship is one of the four staples of the New Testament church, along with the apostles' doctrine, prayer, and the breaking of bread (Acts 2:42).  We are called unto the fellowship of Jesus Christ.

"God is faithful, by whom ye were called unto the fellowship of his Son Jesus Christ our Lord."  (1 Corinthians 1:9)

Two Prophets, Two Messages

Every so often while reading the Bible, I get flashbacks to my years in Sunday School. Most of those flashbacks come from the 'memory verses' I had to memorize each week for Sunday School. It never ceases to amaze me that thirty years later those verses are still stored somewhere in my memory.

Recently, while reading the book of Jeremiah, I had one of those flashbacks and it led to a deeper study of this story.

You will probably recognize these words just as I did;

Jeremiah 29:11-13

11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

12 Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.

13 And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.

What a powerful verse this has been to me and to many others over the years.

Imagine comforting and powerful this must have been for Judah to hear. Judah had been taken captive by Babylon. They had no future. Their land, their possessions and their children had been stripped from them. They thought God had abandoned them. They thought God was done with them. Then, the prophet Jeremiah brings this promise of hope and deliverance.

As comforting as this was to Judah, most of us overlook an important detail of this prophecy found in the previous verse;

Jeremiah 29:10

10 For thus saith the Lord, That after seventy years be accomplished at Babylon I will visit you, and perform my good word toward you, in causing you to return to this place.

The promise of deliverance was given, but it would take seventy years for deliverance to come. An entire lifetime for most. That meant almost every person who was taken captive would die in captivity. Imagine receiving a promise that your answer has come but then discovering you would have to wait seventy years to receive it. That is like receiving no answer at all.

During Jeremiah's time there were many prophets sharing many messages. In this particular story, there was another prophet named Hananiah. Hananiah shared what sounded like a similar message to Jeremiah's, except for one slight variation;

Jer 28:2-4

2 Thus speaketh the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, saying, I have broken the yoke of the king of Babylon.

3 Within two full years will I bring again into this place all the vessels of the Lord's house, that Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon took away from this place, and carried them to Babylon:

4 And I will bring again to this place Jeconiah the son of Jehoiakim king of Judah, with all the captives of Judah, that went into Babylon, saith the Lord: for I will break the yoke of the king of Babylon.

The Dark Side of Spiritual Abuse -- Part 2

To give a little history as to how some of the heavy-handed authoritative traits came into play among pastors you have to trace back to the charismatic movement. Out of the charismatic movement there was the evolving of a concept called “shepherding.” 

The Latter Rain movement actually had its earliest beginnings in the late 1800’s and was born out of the Methodist and Holiness camp-meeting environment. It would continue to generate momentum and experience growth during the post-World War II years and be much encouraged by the Charismatic movement in the 1960’s and 1970’s. Marked by extreme excess and abuse of the gifts of the Spirit, this activity led to the production of “prophets” who had little use for personal holiness and consecration. After a while it appeared that they only had a desire for their own personal kingdoms to grow.

As time went by these intruders became susceptible to moral and ethical failures. The subsequent fallout from their failures caused many who followed them to be led astray by their repulsive actions. In an effort to recover from these shenanigans a group of leaders came together and formed what was called “The Shepherding Movement.” Bob Mumford, Derek Prince, Charles Simpson, and Don Basham were the primary founders of this loosely formed organization who determined that its sole purpose would be to form a system of personal accountability. Later a fifth leader, Ern Baxter would be added to make up what was referred to as the “Fort Lauderdale Five.”

They decided that their work would be modeled after the pattern of Paul mentoring his sons in the faith, Timothy and Titus. They would work toward building a system of accountability that would form deeper relationships among pastors, ministry development at all levels, and ethical standards with emphasis on moral and financial dealings.

The whole system worked with the idea that anyone who came into the church needed a“shepherd.” After witnessing the moral collapse of several prominent men, this seemed to be a good and necessary thing. Who could object to the need for spiritual leadership and accountability? It became very heavy on authority and control in a manner that even simple decisions of daily living had to be monitored and approved by the pastor/leader of local congregations.

As an example, the leader would have to make the final decisions on car purchases, home mortgages, and job opportunities. In some cases, the “shepherd” would designate who young men and young women would marry to the degree that the marriages were arranged and carried through. The “shepherd” would have almost complete control over the personal finances. The parishioners would bring their paychecks to him and he would cash them and take his cut which was oftentimes more than 10% and give them the remainder. So as you can see the role of the pastor changed into an extreme form of authoritative control.

Some of the characteristics of the Shepherding system are as follow:

• Discipleship only takes place when one is committed to the group, cell ministry, and its leader.

• The only hope of salvation is extreme devotion to the shepherd of the group. This indicates the leader has more power to save than does Jesus Christ.

• Jesus Christ does not work directly in the life of the follower but rather He works through a system of delegated authority that flows down from the shepherd. You are to submit to this man as you would submit to God.

• Our relationship with God is not primary but rather it works in tandem with the power of a shepherd who has total control over the present, material world we live in.

• Our obedience

A Pure Heart

Matthew 5: Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

“Pure” as it is used here in the original Greek is katharos. Katharos is pronounced Kath-ar-os. It means of uncertain Affinity; clean (literally or figuratively): clean, clear, pure.

Jesus declared to the people that day that if someone was capable of having, keeping or obtaining a pure heart, that they would see God someday.

It is the desire of every believer that, one day, they would see God.

However, the enemy of our souls has a desire too. His desire is to keep us from seeing God. Both in this world and in the next. His attempt is to cause us to lose our pure hearts.

One thing that I have found to be universal amongst new converts/believers is the pure heart that the Lord gives to them.

As newborn babes in Christ, their hearts are open to receive anything that the church has to offer them. They trust the ministry and they trust their newfound church family.

Their hearts are pure. Their motives are pure. Their intensions are pure. They are simply thankful to be saved and are happy and content to be a part of the Family of God.

These people are the source of revival in the church. They are usually the ones who bring new people to the church. They tell all their family and friends about what the Lord has done for them. They are not afraid or ashamed to declare their Love for God or what He has done for them.

What makes these people so important to a community’s infiltration of the Gospel?

What makes these people so valuable to the growth and continuance of a church in a given city?

Their pure heart.

• A heart that is pure is capable of loving someone who is unlovable.
• A heart that is pure is able to look beyond a person’s faults and see their potential greatness.
• A heart that is pure has no selfish motives. It only wants to bless those around it.

It labors for the Lord because it loves the Lord and the people who surround their life.

This person is not perfect. They are still human. They still make mistakes. They still sin. But Jesus said that because their motives were correct and their heart was pure, that they shall see God.

So it seems paramount that a believer in Jesus Christ should seek to have and maintain a pure heart.

Jesus said in Matthew 11:29, “Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest for your souls.”

Identity Crisis Times Two

I am the second born in a family of five siblings. My older brother is a little less than two years older than me. While growing up, I can remember my mother dressing me exactly like my older brother. This happened quite frequently, especially while we were young. I remember people asking her if we were twins. I thought that was really strange since I was two years younger, smaller and did not look like my brother at all. (I am better looking) Then my twin sisters were born. Identical twins. They were the cutest little girls. They looked exactly alike. Even until recently their husbands have mistaken their identity. This has led to many interesting moments in our family.

I don't know what mom was thinking, but after the twins were born the matching outfit thing became more regular. I caught up to my brother quickly in size and for a number of years it actually looked like there were two sets of twins in the family. I admit it probably looked cool to have two sets of twins. We drew a lot of attention from people in churches, restaurants and malls. Everywhere we went, people would crowd around the 'church twins'. They thought it was cute, but it was actually an identity crisis times two.

As I grew older, I did not appreciate being dressed like my brother, and he felt the same way. It wasn't so cool anymore. We weren't twins and were not anything alike. I didn't want to be like my brother and he didn't want to be like me. In fact, we wanted to be as different from one another as possible. My twin sisters came to feel the same way. Thankfully, mom gave up on the 'two sets of twins' thing and our unique identities were preserved.

We live in a world today of 'identity crisis times two'. Everybody wants to be like somebody else. Look like somebody else. Talk like somebody else. Live like somebody else. It is no different in the church. It is part of man's nature. We want to preach like somebody else. Sing like somebody else. Build a church like somebody else. Inherently, we look to others successes and desire the same for ourselves.