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The Dark Side of Spiritual Abuse -- Part 1
By: Philip Harrelson
For the last six weeks or so, I have been researching, reading, and taking notes from various places concerning the difficult subject of spiritual abuse. One of the reasons for my doing this is in preparation for a theological forum to be held in Albany, Georgia in a few weeks. It is being organized by the former president of Texas Bible College, J. R. Ensey and hosted by Pastor Steve Waldron.
Back in the summer, Brother Ensey sent out an e-mail soliciting papers to be written on various subjects and after musing through the choices, I started thinking more along the lines of a pastoral theology kind of subject. Although I am not quite sure how I finally settled on this particular issue, I have been thoroughly enlightened on this subject.
In the past, I have written on church trouble from the angle of people in the congregation who found great enthusiasm for tormenting pastors until they finally ran them off. The religious landscape is littered with men who no longer pastor churches and gave up the calling of a ministry because of a situation where they found themselves in great contention with the hidden powers that ran the church. If you are interested you may read those old Barnabas Blog posts from a couple of years ago (Part 1 & Part 2). Since writing those posts, I have observed a few more of these unfortunate situations as they unfolded.
On the other hand, there are also churches that have had endure terrible abuses at the hands of heavy-handed, manipulative, and dark pastors who fall into the category of being a spiritual abuser.
I must say from the outset that this kind of activity to me is totally foreign because of the environment that I grew up in with my own pastor (and now father-in-law) Joe Patterson. Because of his spiritual leadership, I grew up with the idea that the church was the most incredible, warm, and safe place on the earth. It was only after I begin to travel around a bit and grew up some spiritually and mentally that I was exposed to the dark side of the church and ministry. To be quite frank with you, it was a bit unnerving and initially faith-jarring.
Once I saw the dark side, I was forced to go back to Scripture and really analyze what the church looked like in its early stages. I discovered that Pentecostals have a very romantic view about the early church and usually see nothing but a bunch of miracles, exponential numerical growth, and great displays of spiritual authority and power. However, every where the early church went there were problems and generally the problems had a name on them with a body attached. Paul’s struggle with the raging beasts at Ephesus no doubt had a human body attached to it!
When you look at the book of Acts from a chronological standpoint, it covers a 30 to 40 year time frame, depending on what scholar that you read. Furthermore when you look at it from a geographical point of reference, there were hundreds of thousands of square miles covered. So from the vantage point of time and space, there weren’t miracles and amazing growth going on every day. There was a lot of trouble mixed up with the expansion of the church. Correlate that with Paul’s catalogs of calamities in 2 Corinthians 11 and you will see a man paying a heavy price to be involved in the expansion of the Kingdom. Tie that in with the words of Ananias in Acts 9, which were directly from the Lord when Paul was informed by God that he must suffer, and then it puts the whole process into proper and much clearer perspective.
So the Scripture helped to shed some light on my faulty view of the church. There are troubled people who come into them including laity and leadership. These people who refuse to allow the Cross to really transform their lives can very easily become spiritual abusers. While the Church Trouble series highlighted the abuse that comes from the pew, my paper opened up the avenue of when abuse comes from the pulpit.
There were four books that particularly helped me to gain some insight into the whole concept of spiritual abuse. The first one was a book that focused primarily on leadership patterns by Gary McIntosh and Samuel Rima entitled “Overcoming the Dark Side of Leadership – The Paradox of Personal Dysfunction.” They did a very good job of shedding light on the reasons that leaders can go bad. The second book was one written by David Johnson and Jeff Van Vonderen called “The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse.” There were a lot of helpful case studies that were scattered throughout this book that showed how the culture of spiritual abuse could develop in a closed church system. Two books by Stephen Arterburn called “Toxic Faith” and “More Jesus, Less Religion” also caused me to look at ministry in a whole new way.
Other articles you might like
How To Gain Loyalty
Some of the things you can do in your own congregation to rectify any lack of loyalty are: 1. Teach the difference between faithfulness and loyalty. 2. Remind your people that, according to their new nature, they already want to be loyal. Unless they are outright rebels, disloyal acts come out of ignorance and/or weakness of the flesh. 3. Let them know, in light of their sharpened understanding, you are expecting them to be loyal. They will be what you expect them to be.
How To Gain Loyalty
Some of the things you can do in your own congregation to rectify any lack of loyalty are:
1. Teach the difference between faithfulness and loyalty.
2. Remind your people that, according to their new nature, they already want to be loyal. Unless they are outright rebels, disloyal acts come out of ignorance and/or weakness of the flesh.
3. Let them know, in light of their sharpened understanding, you are expecting them to be loyal. They will be what you expect them to be.
[ read more...]
How to Get Moving When You’re Running Out Of Gas
Have you ever run out of gas? At one moment your car is cruising down the highway, and the next it’s sputtering to a stop. You get out and start pushing it to the nearest gas station, but as soon as you stop pushing, the car quickly comes to a halt. Without gas, a car can’t do much of anything.
The same is true with a person and motivation. Without motivation, it’s just hard to get going. On the other hand, when you’re empowered by motivation, no task is too difficult. Having motivation is like putting gas in your tank. It’s what keeps you on the road. If you’re having trouble motivating yourself, here are several suggestions to help get going:
Add Up The Rewards Of Beginning – When you have trouble getting started, remember the benefits of beginning. Remind yourself that the finished product will bring you satisfaction. And keep in mind that the highest reward for our effort is not what we “get for it”, but what we become “because of it.” If that’s not incentive enough, consider the negative things that could happen if you don’t begin. Often, those negative costs only increase the longer you wait.
[ read more...]
How to Get Moving When You’re Running Out Of Gas
Have you ever run out of gas? At one moment your car is cruising down the highway, and the next it’s sputtering to a stop. You get out and start pushing it to the nearest gas station, but as soon as you stop pushing, the car quickly comes to a halt. Without gas, a car can’t do much of anything.
The same is true with a person and motivation. Without motivation, it’s just hard to get going. On the other hand, when you’re empowered by motivation, no task is too difficult. Having motivation is like putting gas in your tank. It’s what keeps you on the road. If you’re having trouble motivating yourself, here are several suggestions to help get going:
Add Up The Rewards Of Beginning – When you have trouble getting started, remember the benefits of beginning. Remind yourself that the finished product will bring you satisfaction. And keep in mind that the highest reward for our effort is not what we “get for it”, but what we become “because of it.” If that’s not incentive enough, consider the negative things that could happen if you don’t begin. Often, those negative costs only increase the longer you wait.
[ read more...]
Lead on…
Casting a vision and leading people are not easy to do. Here are a few pointers when it comes to creating vision in the local church.
Don’t micromanage. Create a program or system for management then simply allow others to do their job. You may consider employing another person to do the managing. This would be someone who is close to you and knows how to follow your orders. Let them do the follow up, you cast the vision.
Admit mistakes. Being the leader does not mean you are going to be right 100% of the time. There are going to be times you make mistakes. Admit them quickly and cast a new vision. Allowing yourself to make mistakes will show your congregation that you are human and will enable them to feel that you are approachable.
Lead without fear. Fear will cripple your potential. “We have not the spirit of fear.” Seek your churches direction from the Lord. While it is good to get other people’s opinion and counsel regarding the direction the church should be moving, God alone can give you Divine direction. Seek God’s face for His will. Once he gives you direction, move forward into it without fear of defeat or what others may think.
Gather allies. Surround yourself with others who think like you do. Especially if they compliment your vision. As you begin to share your passion and burden with them, they will want to get on board. After training and equipping them, get them on board with you ASAP.
[ read more...]
Lead on…
Casting a vision and leading people are not easy to do. Here are a few pointers when it comes to creating vision in the local church.
Don’t micromanage. Create a program or system for management then simply allow others to do their job. You may consider employing another person to do the managing. This would be someone who is close to you and knows how to follow your orders. Let them do the follow up, you cast the vision.
Admit mistakes. Being the leader does not mean you are going to be right 100% of the time. There are going to be times you make mistakes. Admit them quickly and cast a new vision. Allowing yourself to make mistakes will show your congregation that you are human and will enable them to feel that you are approachable.
Lead without fear. Fear will cripple your potential. “We have not the spirit of fear.” Seek your churches direction from the Lord. While it is good to get other people’s opinion and counsel regarding the direction the church should be moving, God alone can give you Divine direction. Seek God’s face for His will. Once he gives you direction, move forward into it without fear of defeat or what others may think.
Gather allies. Surround yourself with others who think like you do. Especially if they compliment your vision. As you begin to share your passion and burden with them, they will want to get on board. After training and equipping them, get them on board with you ASAP.
[ read more...]The Witnesses: Amy Wilson Carmichael
(1867-1951)
Amy Wilson Carmichael was born December 16, 1867 in a small village in Northern Ireland. Her parents were evangelical Christians and she committed her life to Christ's service at a very young age.
One story of Amy’s childhood noted that when she was little, she always wished she’d had blue eyes instead of brown. As a little girl, she prayed for God to give her blue eyes, but she never received them.
Carmichael was the founder of a women’s group in Belfast that quickly grew to over 500 women and they needed a larger place in which to meet. She saw an ad in a newspaper saying an iron building could be built for £500 that would seat up to 500 people. A donation and a plot of land were given, and the building of the first “Welcome Hall” was built.
Amy felt led to fulfill her call in missions. In many ways, she was an unlikely candidate for missionary work. She suffered neuralgia--a disease of the nerves that made her whole body weak and achy--and she was often bedridden for weeks on end.
At the 1887 Keswick Convention, she heard Hudson Taylor, founder of the China Inland Mission, speak about missionary life. Initially, Amy travelled to Japan for fifteen months, but she later found her lifelong vocation in India.
[ read more...]The Witnesses: Amy Wilson Carmichael
(1867-1951)
Amy Wilson Carmichael was born December 16, 1867 in a small village in Northern Ireland. Her parents were evangelical Christians and she committed her life to Christ's service at a very young age.
One story of Amy’s childhood noted that when she was little, she always wished she’d had blue eyes instead of brown. As a little girl, she prayed for God to give her blue eyes, but she never received them.
Carmichael was the founder of a women’s group in Belfast that quickly grew to over 500 women and they needed a larger place in which to meet. She saw an ad in a newspaper saying an iron building could be built for £500 that would seat up to 500 people. A donation and a plot of land were given, and the building of the first “Welcome Hall” was built.
Amy felt led to fulfill her call in missions. In many ways, she was an unlikely candidate for missionary work. She suffered neuralgia--a disease of the nerves that made her whole body weak and achy--and she was often bedridden for weeks on end.
At the 1887 Keswick Convention, she heard Hudson Taylor, founder of the China Inland Mission, speak about missionary life. Initially, Amy travelled to Japan for fifteen months, but she later found her lifelong vocation in India.
[ read more...]
Making Dry Church Services Come To Life
Why is it that in some churches, meeting with the creator of the universe is often a boring showcase for bad music, inept preaching and poor taste? Listed are 9 perspectives that can enhance the effectiveness of your services.
- Put yourself in the congregation’s shoes. Pastor, how long has it been since you just sat in the congregation? How often do you really try to identify with the needs, hopes and dreams of those in your congregation?
- Tell stories. Storytelling was Jesus’ primary method of teaching. He put the most profound concepts into simple and compelling stores that captivated people and changed their lives. Never telling a story is a prescription for putting people to sleep.
- Question everything. Why do you take up the offering the same way each week? Why do you always sing the same hymn of invitation?
- Find some fresh jokes-or don’t use any. How many of you would rather be here in church than in the finest hospital in town? Please discard your moth-eaten jokes. Otherwise your congregation will start laughing out of pity, not humor.
- Go beyond your trusty old sermons of the past. Yes it’s nice to have some standby messages you can rely on. But the danger is that the more you preach the same sermon, the more difficult it is to present it with conviction, originality and excitement.
Making Dry Church Services Come To Life
Why is it that in some churches, meeting with the creator of the universe is often a boring showcase for bad music, inept preaching and poor taste? Listed are 9 perspectives that can enhance the effectiveness of your services.
- Put yourself in the congregation’s shoes. Pastor, how long has it been since you just sat in the congregation? How often do you really try to identify with the needs, hopes and dreams of those in your congregation?
- Tell stories. Storytelling was Jesus’ primary method of teaching. He put the most profound concepts into simple and compelling stores that captivated people and changed their lives. Never telling a story is a prescription for putting people to sleep.
- Question everything. Why do you take up the offering the same way each week? Why do you always sing the same hymn of invitation?
- Find some fresh jokes-or don’t use any. How many of you would rather be here in church than in the finest hospital in town? Please discard your moth-eaten jokes. Otherwise your congregation will start laughing out of pity, not humor.
- Go beyond your trusty old sermons of the past. Yes it’s nice to have some standby messages you can rely on. But the danger is that the more you preach the same sermon, the more difficult it is to present it with conviction, originality and excitement.
Leadership's Limitations
In this unpredictable and changing world, the one thing we can always control is the way we think. While we have little control over circumstances or the actions of others, we can control our reactions to them. And anyone can learn how to think more positively and operate with a better attitude, regardless of circumstances, temperament, or intellect. To begin thinking more positively and leading your people to do the same, follow these guidelines: Act like the person you wish to become. Cultivate a Consistent Positive Attitude.
To start thinking positively, begin by acting positively. Most of us wait until we feel like taking action, but that’s going about it backwards. Instead, by putting our desires into action, we can establish a habit of thinking positively – and this results in a positive attitude.
To reap a successful harvest, a farmer doesn’t plant seeds and then just expect them to grow on their own. He must continually water, weed, fertilize and nurture the growing plants if he wants them to reach maturity. Likewise, if we want a successful life, we need to spend time everyday nurturing our attitude. Focus on the positive and successful. Don’t feed the weeds.
Leadership's Limitations
In this unpredictable and changing world, the one thing we can always control is the way we think. While we have little control over circumstances or the actions of others, we can control our reactions to them. And anyone can learn how to think more positively and operate with a better attitude, regardless of circumstances, temperament, or intellect. To begin thinking more positively and leading your people to do the same, follow these guidelines:
Act like the person you wish to become.
To start thinking positively, begin by acting positively. Most of us wait until we feel like taking action, but that’s going about it backwards. Instead, by putting our desires into action, we can establish a habit of thinking positively – and this results in a positive attitude.
Cultivate a Consistent Positive Attitude.
To reap a successful harvest, a farmer doesn’t plant seeds and then just expect them to grow on their own. He must continually water, weed, fertilize and nurture the growing plants if he wants them to reach maturity. Likewise, if we want a successful life, we need to spend time everyday nurturing our attitude. Focus on the positive and successful. Don’t feed the weeds.
The Path to Freedom
Despise not the day of small things.
How do you build a church?
First you build a man. – Thou are Peter and upon this rock will I build my church. If Peter did not mature, the church would not grow.
· God has chosen to build his church upon people.
· He has chosen to use your life to build His church in the village you are from.
· If you do not grow, your church will not grow.
· This is why it’s important for you to study God’s Word.
· If you do not pray your church will not pray.
· If you do not have a genuine love for God, then your church will not have a genuine love for God.
· If you do not have compassion on the lost, your church will not have compassion on the lost.
· Your church will become a reflection of you.
Don’t be so quick to blame your people if they are not bringing someone to church with them.
· Don’t be so hard on them if they are not reaching out to their neighbors.
· Realize that a church most often, does what they see their pastor do.
· If you want your church to grow, be a soul winner yourself.
· If you want your church to reach out to others, be someone who reaches out to others.
· By your example, teach them to reach others.
· By your example teach them to win the lost.
Then you begin laying a foundation.
· You invest in some people to stand beside you.
· This time of building is not glorious.
· This time of laying a foundation is not one that gets the attention from everyone around you.
· Other Pastors are not going to stand up and take notice when you are building the Church’s foundation.
· But understand a building can be no larger than the foundation,
· And you cannot build upon something that is not there.
You will not have a strong stable church that is growing if you do not have a strong stable foundation to support it.
· So you begin to invest yourself in some good people whose love for God us unquestionable.
· Some people who will stand beside you, no matter what comes against the church.
· Some people who know your vision for the church and are willing to allow their lives to be built upon.
· You build that foundation. You build that foundation strong.
[ read more...]
The Path to Freedom
Despise not the day of small things.
How do you build a church?
First you build a man. – Thou are Peter and upon this rock will I build my church. If Peter did not mature, the church would not grow.
· God has chosen to build his church upon people.
· He has chosen to use your life to build His church in the village you are from.
· If you do not grow, your church will not grow.
· This is why it’s important for you to study God’s Word.
· If you do not pray your church will not pray.
· If you do not have a genuine love for God, then your church will not have a genuine love for God.
· If you do not have compassion on the lost, your church will not have compassion on the lost.
· Your church will become a reflection of you.
Don’t be so quick to blame your people if they are not bringing someone to church with them.
· Don’t be so hard on them if they are not reaching out to their neighbors.
· Realize that a church most often, does what they see their pastor do.
· If you want your church to grow, be a soul winner yourself.
· If you want your church to reach out to others, be someone who reaches out to others.
· By your example, teach them to reach others.
· By your example teach them to win the lost.
Then you begin laying a foundation.
· You invest in some people to stand beside you.
· This time of building is not glorious.
· This time of laying a foundation is not one that gets the attention from everyone around you.
· Other Pastors are not going to stand up and take notice when you are building the Church’s foundation.
· But understand a building can be no larger than the foundation,
· And you cannot build upon something that is not there.
You will not have a strong stable church that is growing if you do not have a strong stable foundation to support it.
· So you begin to invest yourself in some good people whose love for God us unquestionable.
· Some people who will stand beside you, no matter what comes against the church.
· Some people who know your vision for the church and are willing to allow their lives to be built upon.
· You build that foundation. You build that foundation strong.
[ read more...]
Am I Called To Preach?
How does one know if he or she has been called to preach? Or to reword the question: Have you been called to the ministry?
First, we must understand that only God can call one into the ministry. Often, someone enters the ministry at the nudging of their significant other, while others pursue the ministry because of parental influence; or to quote a phrase, they are “Mama called and Papa sent.” Consequently, it is paramount to know that God has called you, not others. If God has not called you and you try to force the ministry to work, you will be miserable for the rest of your life. That’s not what God intends for you.
God is not the author of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33). In fact, the Bible says in Psalm 37:23, "The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way." The Lord will lead you where He wants you to go and, as the familiar phrase states, “The will of the Lord will never lead you where His grace cannot keep you.”
When God fills us with His Spirit (Holy Ghost) we are all called to do something for Him. "But ye shall receive power after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you: and ye shall be witnesses unto me both in Jerusalem, and in all Judaea, and in Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth" (Acts 1:8). However, that doesn't necessarily mean God called us to preach. Often, we misinterpret what God wants us to do because we think being “called by God” means He has called us into the pulpit ministry. That’s not always the case.
Our areas of service to God vary and are limitless. Some are called to hold street meetings; some are called to teach Sunday School or Bible studies, while others are called to foreign mission fields or to simply pray for their missionaries and pastors. Every ministry—whatever God places on our heart—is valuable to His kingdom.
A preacher alone cannot win the lost; he must surround himself with people who desire to do the work of the ministry. The Bible tells us that we are all different parts that make up one body. "For as we have many members in one body, and all members have not the same office" (Romans 12:4). We all must work together. Don’t allow yourself to envy someone else’s calling. Your calling is just as important to the Kingdom of God as any other.
So how can you know God has called you to the ministry?
1) You will hear from God. Jesus said, "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me” (John 10:27). To be called by God is to "hear" from God. We must ask ourselves: "Have I put myself in a position to hear from God?" In other words, is your prayer life consistent? Do you fast often? The multiple distractions of daily life can prevent us from hearing from God. Prayer and fasting cleanses our bodies and minds to be more sensitive to the voice of the Lord.
[ read more...]
Am I Called To Preach?
How does one know if he or she has been called to preach? Or to reword the question: Have you been called to the ministry?
First, we must understand that only God can call one into the ministry. Often, someone enters the ministry at the nudging of their significant other, while others pursue the ministry because of parental influence; or to quote a phrase, they are “Mama called and Papa sent.” Consequently, it is paramount to know that God has called you, not others. If God has not called you and you try to force the ministry to work, you will be miserable for the rest of your life. That’s not what God intends for you.
God is not the author of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33). In fact, the Bible says in Psalm 37:23, "The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way." The Lord will lead you where He wants you to go and, as the familiar phrase states, “The will of the Lord will never lead you where His grace cannot keep you.”
When God fills us with His Spirit (Holy Ghost) we are all called to do something for Him. "But ye shall receive power after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you: and ye shall be witnesses unto me both in Jerusalem, and in all Judaea, and in Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth" (Acts 1:8). However, that doesn't necessarily mean God called us to preach. Often, we misinterpret what God wants us to do because we think being “called by God” means He has called us into the pulpit ministry. That’s not always the case.
Our areas of service to God vary and are limitless. Some are called to hold street meetings; some are called to teach Sunday School or Bible studies, while others are called to foreign mission fields or to simply pray for their missionaries and pastors. Every ministry—whatever God places on our heart—is valuable to His kingdom.
A preacher alone cannot win the lost; he must surround himself with people who desire to do the work of the ministry. The Bible tells us that we are all different parts that make up one body. "For as we have many members in one body, and all members have not the same office" (Romans 12:4). We all must work together. Don’t allow yourself to envy someone else’s calling. Your calling is just as important to the Kingdom of God as any other.
So how can you know God has called you to the ministry?
1) You will hear from God. Jesus said, "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me” (John 10:27). To be called by God is to "hear" from God. We must ask ourselves: "Have I put myself in a position to hear from God?" In other words, is your prayer life consistent? Do you fast often? The multiple distractions of daily life can prevent us from hearing from God. Prayer and fasting cleanses our bodies and minds to be more sensitive to the voice of the Lord.
[ read more...]
Topical Preaching
A topical message is a sermon when a passage of scripture is used to support a single topic. You should be able to state what the topic is in a single sentence. This topic is then communicated to the hearers through the use of several different scriptures that all address the truth of this topic.
There are many pros and cons to topical preaching. Many Bible scholars feel that expository preaching is the only way to preach. They point out that you must preach verse by verse through the text in order to keep the story in its context. This is correct and very true, but a good topical sermon can also be kept in context if prepared properly.
When you look at the New Testament examples, both Peter and Paul preached on topics and used scripture to support their points. They did this very well in the epistles. The most famous sermon in the entire Bible is a topical sermon. The Sermon on the Mount is considered by most Bible scholars to be the greatest sermon that Jesus ever preached. The beatitudes are in this sermon, the Lord's prayer is in this sermon, and The Golden Rule is in this sermon. Jesus spoke on topics and used Old Testament scripture to supports His teachings. He did not preach verse by verse through entire chapters or books. Even the Old Testament prophets were very topical in their messages. If we are using the Bible as our example on how to live, we should also use it as our example in how we preach.
[ read more...]
Topical Preaching
A topical message is a sermon when a passage of scripture is used to support a single topic. You should be able to state what the topic is in a single sentence. This topic is then communicated to the hearers through the use of several different scriptures that all address the truth of this topic.
There are many pros and cons to topical preaching. Many Bible scholars feel that expository preaching is the only way to preach. They point out that you must preach verse by verse through the text in order to keep the story in its context. This is correct and very true, but a good topical sermon can also be kept in context if prepared properly.
When you look at the New Testament examples, both Peter and Paul preached on topics and used scripture to support their points. They did this very well in the epistles. The most famous sermon in the entire Bible is a topical sermon. The Sermon on the Mount is considered by most Bible scholars to be the greatest sermon that Jesus ever preached. The beatitudes are in this sermon, the Lord's prayer is in this sermon, and The Golden Rule is in this sermon. Jesus spoke on topics and used Old Testament scripture to supports His teachings. He did not preach verse by verse through entire chapters or books. Even the Old Testament prophets were very topical in their messages. If we are using the Bible as our example on how to live, we should also use it as our example in how we preach.
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