Article for Ministers: Why Do I Feel so Alone although I Minister to Others?

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Although you may feel like you are the only one, you are not. A large percentage of other pastors and ministers also feel isolated and alone even as they minister to crowds of people on a regular basis. The feeling of isolation or of being alone plagues many ministers and their spouses. This article identifies 12 causes and potential solutions. It also validates a few of the many needs for spiritual Fathers and/or mentors.

The vast majority of Christian leaders do not actually have a mentor or spiritual father in their life.

Each of the following topics could be a guideline for validating the need for a mentor in your life and ministry.

The Isolation of the Calling

If you truly have a calling from God you may be the only one with that particular call. Even a quick cursory review of the Bible reveals men like Abraham, Moses, Joseph, David, Elijah, Jeremiah who felt the pain of isolation and solitude. They had no peers.

Elijah even stated once that he was the only one like himself, but God quickly corrected him by saying there were 7000 others similar to him. Your isolation may have many ingredients such as location, a unique but misunderstood calling, not relating to the people around you, and many others.

Regardless of the reason(s) for your isolation you need to understand that there is someone somewhere who can relate to you. It is your responsibility to climb out of your box of isolation. Of course, God always understands, but there are times you also need people. Just having someone to listen to you is not always enough. You need someone with wisdom and sage advice who can help direct you forward. Perhaps you need a mentor? The right mentor will help you use the isolation of the calling as an advantage to become more effective.

The Solitude of Alone Time

Solitude is a two-edged sword. Although it is healthy to have alone time for self, meditation, exercise, relaxation and prayer, it can also become a dark pit of separation and despair. You must not close out the essential people around you. Your family, staff, and peers each need the right amounts of time with you and your input.

If you do not have alone time in your schedule it is imperative that you work toward finding time for it. You must use your alone time wisely by assuring that there is some personal growth value associated with it. You must also establish some mind guards because an idle mind can wander into areas it should not go into. Always remember that the adversary may use your alone time to speak his deceits into your thoughts.

What has solitude done or not done for you? A mentor could help validate that your alone time is really being beneficial to your life and ministry.

The Abandonment of Things You Love

It is not uncommon for your calling or vocation to necessitate relocation. Often in the pursuit of God’s will one finds themself in a place they would prefer not to be. Leaving behind loved ones, familiar surroundings, careers, friends, retirement, and even cultures exacts a heavy toll over process of time. Missed birthdays, anniversaries, and funerals weigh heavy on a caring heart. Going home to find that children have grown and elders have really aged can bring grief, regret, depression, and questions.

There has to be a balance. What is reasonable sacrifice and what is not? Are you absolutely sure of your calling?

A seasoned mentor understands that in one’s youth they will do and commit to things without fully realizing the toll time will take. It is always wise to deal with realities and ramifications early on, or to at least be made aware of them.

False Assumptions

One of the hardest things to deal with is coping with the consequence of unrealized assumptions. Whether you are the leader or the follower you are dependent upon the actions of others. When promises are voided and people abandon, or at best disappoint you, there is an aftermath of feelings and emotions to deal with. The end result can be anger, bitterness and anxiety. These are the works of the flesh. What happens to you is not as important as your response to it. Anyone wrestling with such feelings and emotions would do well to open up to and listen to a seasoned mentor. All of these things can be used for the good if you allow such to occur in you.

Driving Goals and Aspirations Through Others

The peril of leadership is hinged upon the fact that most of what you desire to accomplish must be done through others. The stress of creating organizational unity in a dysfunctional culture exacts a heavy toll. Hidden agendas, disloyalties, dereliction of duty, abdication of responsibility can drain a leader’s energy and creativity. However, the goal is attainable. A good mentor is an ally to make sure you ask the right questions, stay on track, and remain focused.

The Glass House

Even a casual observer of a presidential election understands that nothing in a candidate’s life is sacred or out of bounds from the media’s scrutiny. Hollywood stars are constantly plagued by the paparazzi. Pastor’s and church leaders must comprehend that they and their families also live in a glass house. Although it isn’t always fair you will be held to a higher level of scrutiny and accountability. There will always be the possibility of false rumors and gossip as your motives and actions are critiqued by the uninformed. It is hard to not take things personally or to respond inappropriately. A wise mentor might be the voice you need to help still the storm of feelings and emotions, or point you to the light when darkness closes in.

Always Having to Produce

Pastors and other leaders always find that no matter how much they have done, they still must produce more. If you have preached 1000 great sermons, even a short string of flops will soon have people saying that you have lost it. In every category of leadership there is always a need to produce again and again. Eventually you find that as a leader you too are only human. You are not the “Iron Man” some think you to be. If you are having trouble balancing the inflow and the outflow then you need to pause now and re-evaluate your life, schedule, habits and routine.

Mentors are able to be more objective when evaluating you with external eyes. A good mentor can help you re-adjust your schedule, learn new habits, and abandon negative behaviors for the benefit of all.

Divided Loyalties

Pastors are constantly pulled by divided loyalties. Some cut short their much needed vacation because someone in the congregation gets sick. Others neglect spouses and children while spending too many hours with people who simply demand their personal time and attention. Quite often leaders find themselves counseling in areas they are not qualified to counsel in. Unfortunately it is not uncommon for dysfunction and animosity to creep into a pastoral family because of divided loyalties. A mentor can help you keep your priories in order and save you from the train wrecks caused by long-term neglect and abandonment.

Living with Regrets

One of the saddest legacies is for one to spend their life serving others only to live with regrets in the latter years. Everyone lives life moving forward but understand it looking backward; therefore some things do not make sense until you have lived long enough to learn life’s hard lessons. Every pastor needs a mentor who has been through enough life experiences to identify and relate to the decisions, choices, pitfalls and mistakes that lead to regrets. Now is the time to look at everything you are doing.

When Promises Fail

Have you ever relocated to assume a role or position of responsibility based on the promises of someone else? If you have, or are considering such a change, then you must realize that more often than not unwritten promises are easily cast aside and forgotten by those who made them. At other times the person who made the promise to you has been replaced and the promise voided by their successor. Whether you are dealing with failed or unrealized promises, or contemplating a change based upon promises, you should consult a mentor to help you make sure you are thinking or questioning correctly. It is your life and your ministry and you do not want to make a mistake if one can be avoided.

The Peril of Disconnecting from Reality

It is very frustrating and demoralizing to be a leader that is disconnected from reality. It is equally frustrating to be a follower of a leader who is disconnected from reality. If you are not prepared for leadership you will only harm yourself and those who follow you. It is unfair to drag your family through failure and disappointment again and again simply because you never counted the cost before making the decision to begin a life-changing undertaking. The Bible says if you are going to go to war or build a tower to first make sure you have everything you need to finish it.

The value of a mentor is that external voice of experience that has no hidden agenda. The sole purpose of a mentor is to help you stay on the best path upward for the will of God for your life. A small investment in a mentor may save you from a huge loss of the quality and happiness of life.

Separation from God

Many church leaders have been so busy doing the work of God that they lose connection with God. It is so easy working for God that one may never learn to work with God. It would be a sad ending for you as a leader to gain the whole world only to lose your own soul. Perhaps your dilemma is that due to talent, skill, education, or access to technology you succeeded in ministry without having to be connected to God. Perhaps privilege or heritage positioned you to a place of leadership but you somehow bypassed the essential role of discipleship. These and a host of other scenarios increase your odds of abject failure or moral breakdown.

Now is the opportune time to critically examine your connection to God. It is always in your best interest to have an outside person play the role of critical evaluator. A critical evaluator is someone who will ask the right questions to keep you honest with yourself. A seasoned mentor is most often the best source to perform that role.

The Easy Solution is Available and Affordable

Our goal at ChurchMentor.net is to make mentoring for your ministry available, affordable, and practical for you and your busy schedule. Check us out. www.ChurchMentor.net is the solution and partner you need to succeed at what God has called you to do.

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A Place Of Position

(Mat 20:20 KJV) Then came to him the mother of Zebedee's children with her sons, worshipping him, and desiring a certain thing of him. And he said unto her, What wilt thou? She saith unto him, Grant that these my two sons may sit, the one on thy right hand, and the other on the left, in thy kingdom. But Jesus answered and said, Ye know not what ye ask. Are ye able to drink of the cup that I shall drink of, and to be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with? They say unto him, We are able.And he saith unto them, Ye shall drink indeed of my cup, and be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with: but to sit on my right hand, and on my left, is not mine to give, but it shall be given to them for whom it is prepared of my Father. And when the ten heard it, they were moved with indignation against the two brethren.But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Ye know that the princes of the Gentiles exercise dominion over them, and they that are great exercise authority upon them. But it shall not be so among you: but whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister; And whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant: Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.

This woman’s only desire was that her two sons would receive a place of position.

Jesus turns to the young men and asks, “Ye know not what ye ask. Are ye able to drink of the cup that I shall drink of, and to be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with?” People do not know the responsibility that comes with leadership. They have no idea the sleepless nights that comes with ministry.

Leadership within the church is viewed in some romantic sense. The fact of the matter is many are people worshipers. They fail to realize that this is God’s kingdom. The Scriptures tell us that he is a jealous God and He will not share his glory with anyone.

Some will do anything for position and the prestige that appears to come with it.

They take short cuts.
They will try to buy their way into a position.
They will use their influence to bully their way into a position.
They will claim they have the right to a position due to duration of their service.
They will use their relationship or friendship with someone else already in position.

They want the title of an office without the work or obligation that comes with it. They are unqualified to do the job, or fill the office, but because they have been around longer than anyone else, they feel they deserve it. Even if their qualifications or lack of qualifications actually disqualifies them for the position.

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A Place Of Position

This woman’s only desire was that her two sons would receive a place of position.

Some will do anything for position and the prestige that appears to come with it.

They take short cuts.
They will try to buy their way into a position.
They will use their influence to bully their way into a position.
They will claim they have the right to a position due to duration of their service.
They will use their relationship or friendship with someone else already in position.

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Leadership Training

How important is it? Consider this. Early in Jesus’ ministry, he chose out 12 men who would become his disciples. His purpose in choosing these 12 men went beyond their need for salvation. His vision was that he might “…make them fishers of men”. Jesus understood immediately upon starting his early ministry that his role was to not only bring salvation to this world, but to also raise up others who would do the same after He was gone.

What would happen to the church or ministry the Lord has given to you should you be removed from the picture today? Is there someone you have been training to do your job? Have you mentored anyone to take your place? Or have you like most ministers been so busy doing your fathers business that you don’t have time to train other leaders.

Jesus understood that this was paramount to all he did in this world. He realized that unless he mentored these 12 men, all he accomplished in this world was in vain as there would be no one to continue it after he left.

Many ministers don’t see the need to raise up other leaders in the church. In fact, many ministers view this as threatening to their own position in the church. Can I suggest to you that this is “small thinking”. Whose kingdom are we working for anyway? If it is ours, we will lose it. If it is God’s, we will gain it. Small thinking hinders revival.

We all so often can find fault in our congregations regarding the lack of growth in the church. We point out all the ways they fail in outreach and preach them into a level of guilt that kills their joy stymies their efforts to share Jesus. Yet, we need to ask ourselves honestly, how many people do we pull aside on a weekly basis to mentor and raise up?

It is a fact that our church will only grow to the level that it’s leadership is able to minister to. A single man or woman will never effectively pastor a church of 200 or more people. It is impossible. A single person can only effectively pastor 70-80 people “if” he is full time. Someone one would say, “But I don’t have time to train other leaders in the church”. Can I say to you, “This should be the first thing you are doing.” You might say , “but I am too busy teaching, preaching, praying for the sick and ministering to the needs of others.” Can I ask you something? What would be so wrong with raising up 5-10 men in your church to do most of these things or even do much of the teaching and some of the preaching for you?

Jesus took his focus off of the multitude on occasions to focus on his 12. He sent them out to do what he had been doing all along. Did they do it exactly like he would have done it every time? Doubtful, but they did get the job done and in greater measure than He alone was able to do it. Jesus understood that 12 was more than one. Do we really understand that? Or do we think “I” am the only one who can do this job. “I” am the only one called to do this job. “I” am the only one anointed to do this job.

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Leadership Training

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Leadership Defined

“You know you are a leader if you look behind you and people are following you.” There are many leaders who have people following them, but the leader is not leading them anywhere.

All too often, the leader himself is not being led. It is a shame when a leader is unwilling or unable to be led of the Holy Spirit. It is a tremendous loss of potential to the Kingdom. As well, those who want to follow that leader become discouraged as their willingness to be led turns to disillusionment.

A leader who refuses to move in the direction God would lead him lacks the courage to see beyond the obstacles in his way. Someone who’s intent is to wait until circumstances are perfect before he moves forward, will never move. There will always be some obstacle between where you are and where you want to be. Moses and the Children of Israel are the perfect examples of people who had a clear vision of where they felt God was leading them. They found that there were going to be many walled cities and giants they were going to have to face before they arrived at their place of promise.

Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is the willingness to face your fear and move forward in spite of the uncertainty or risk.

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Leadership Defined

“You know you are a leader if you look behind you and people are following you.” There are many leaders who have people following them, but the leader is not leading them anywhere.

Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is the willingness to face your fear and move forward in spite of the uncertainty or risk.

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Don't Interrupt!

Most people react badly to being interrupted. They often feel disrespected and small when you talk over them. People who tend to interrupt others generally do so for one of these reasons:

They don't place enough value on what the other person has to say.
They want to impress others by showing how smart or intuitive they are.
They're too excited by the conversation to let the other person finish talking.

If you are in the habit of interrupting other people, examine your motives and determine to make a change.

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Don't Interrupt!

Most people react badly to being interrupted. They often feel disrespected and small when you talk over them. People who tend to interrupt others generally do so for one of these reasons:

They don't place enough value on what the other person has to say.
They want to impress others by showing how smart or intuitive they are.
They're too excited by the conversation to let the other person finish talking.

If you are in the habit of interrupting other people, examine your motives and determine to make a change.

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Developing a Growing Church

1. There are specific, reasonable and attainable growth goals that have been developed. A pastor must see, believe it and work for it!

2. There is powerful Bible-based preaching and teaching, anointed singing, vibrant worship, fervent praying, and generous giving.

3. There is consistent visitation and follow-up on visitors.

4. The pastor recognizes and releases the gifts and callings among the congregation. These gifts include the gifts of teachers, helpers, prophecy, exhortation, ruling, etc.

5. The organization, coordination, and emphasis of the basic departments - Sunday School, Youth, Outreach, Music, New Convert Care - is always on soul-winning and discipleship.

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Developing a Growing Church

1. There are specific, reasonable and attainable growth goals that have been developed. A pastor must see, believe it and work for it!

2. There is powerful Bible-based preaching and teaching, anointed singing, vibrant worship, fervent praying, and generous giving.

3. There is consistent visitation and follow-up on visitors.

4. The pastor recognizes and releases the gifts and callings among the congregation. These gifts include the gifts of teachers, helpers, prophecy, exhortation, ruling, etc.

5. The organization, coordination, and emphasis of the basic departments - Sunday School, Youth, Outreach, Music, New Convert Care - is always on soul-winning and discipleship.

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Making the Visioneering Process Work for You (Part 1)

It would be foolish, or at best naive, for any of us to believe or even infer that what works for others will work for you as well. The Vision process, or Visioneering, is included in that statement. There is no cookie-cutter formula that works and produces for everyone. However, there is a common development route, or process, that can be modified to suit your environment, and it will work for everyone if allowed to. There are questions to ponder and ask at the inception of the Visioneering process.

Why is this important? It is important because every leader, church, or organization is not ready to undertake a successful Visioneering process. Before you waste your time and that of others you need to validate that this is the right thing for you to do.

To do this you will have to determine some things. Every church or business has its own unique and distinguishing traits and characteristics, including but not limited to:

· The number people and talents it has available

· The unity it either has or doesn’t have

· The spiritual maturity and understanding level of the people

· The level of commitment to excellence and continuous improvement

· The work ethic

· The corporate attitude

· Financial and resource strengths and/or weaknesses

· Demographics

What are yours? Write them down clearly and concisely. Do the necessary research. Thoroughness and honesty are absolutely essential.

Next, of course there are many other ingredients that must be considered as well, including but not limited to:

· The connection between the leader and the people

· The level of trust and confidence in leadership

· The size and commitment to and understanding of teamwork

· The organizational structure

· Area demographics (white or blue collar/wealthy or welfare/educated or non-educated/innovative or non-innovative/adaptability to change or resistance to any change, multicultural blend and ethnicity traits/ and etc.)

· The culture of the area and of the church

Once again, write these down clearly and concisely as well. Do the necessary research. Thoroughness and honesty are absolutely essential.

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Making the Visioneering Process Work for You (Part 1)

To do this you will have to determine some things. Every church or business has its own unique and distinguishing traits and characteristics, including but not limited to:

· The number people and talents it has available

· The unity it either has or doesn’t have

· The spiritual maturity and understanding level of the people

· The level of commitment to excellence and continuous improvement

· The work ethic

· The corporate attitude

· Financial and resource strengths and/or weaknesses

· Demographics

What are yours? Write them down clearly and concisely. Do the necessary research. Thoroughness and honesty are absolutely essential.

Next, of course there are many other ingredients that must be considered as well, including but not limited to:

· The connection between the leader and the people

· The level of trust and confidence in leadership

· The size and commitment to and understanding of teamwork

· The organizational structure

· The culture of the area and of the church

Once again, write these down clearly and concisely as well. Do the necessary research. Thoroughness and honesty are absolutely essential.

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The Healthy Pastoral Leader

In his research of leaders, both historical and contemporary, author Robert Clinton found that few leaders actually finish the race well. His two books, The Making of a Leader (NavPress) and The Mentor Handbook (Barnabas), explain that finishing well could be defined as a life that until its end is increasingly more in love with Christ, more committed to His service and more devoted to godly leadership.

What causes a leader to continue to grow, to stay on track and to finish well in life and ministry?

Five Habits of effectiveness. Effective leaders learn to become intentional about their character growth and formation. In this development of a leader we can make three general observations:

God develops a leader over a lifetime;
God uses people, circumstances and ministry assignments to shape the life of a leader; and
Leadership plateau is often indicative of a growth issue within a leader's life.

To help us become more intentional about our health as leaders, let's explore five insights from leaders who have finished well.

Healthy leaders are lifelong learners. Leaders pursue three types of training: personal training, (personal growth, projects, personal research); informal training (workshops, seminars, conferences); and formal training (continuing education, degree programs).
Healthy leaders are committed to serve and develop others. Be alert to potential leaders in your sphere of influence (II Cor. 1:3-4; II Tim. 2:2).

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The Healthy Pastoral Leader

What causes a leader to continue to grow, to stay on track and to finish well in life and ministry?

Five Habits of effectiveness. Effective leaders learn to become intentional about their character growth and formation. In this development of a leader we can make three general observations:

God develops a leader over a lifetime;
God uses people, circumstances and ministry assignments to shape the life of a leader; and
Leadership plateau is often indicative of a growth issue within a leader's life.

To help us become more intentional about our health as leaders, let's explore five insights from leaders who have finished well.

Healthy leaders are lifelong learners. Leaders pursue three types of training: personal training, (personal growth, projects, personal research); informal training (workshops, seminars, conferences); and formal training (continuing education, degree programs).
Healthy leaders are committed to serve and develop others. Be alert to potential leaders in your sphere of influence (II Cor. 1:3-4; II Tim. 2:2).

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Nine Essential Leadership Skills

What basic leadership skills make pastors effective in their ministries? Here are 9 essentials.

Leaders do lead. Many people in positions of religious leadership simply don't lead. The fact is that true leaders do lead. They chart a course, garner the necessary support and resources, and work to succeed.
Leaders lead from a spiritual center. Men and women engaged in ministry are careful to ask God to help them lead from a spiritual center. Today's spiritual leaders must also take the time they need to quietly seek guidance.
Leaders compromise creatively. As soon as a vision is articulated and plans are established, obstacles and roadblocks will occur. They'll seek ways to compromise creatively so that the end goal will still be accomplished.
Leaders deal constructively with conflict. Whenever someone provides leadership, conflicts will arise. Effective leaders learn how to deal constructively with conflicts and maneuver around them.
Leaders are willing to listen. Strong leaders know that listening to others helps them in two ways. First, by hearing what others say, their own vision for the future can be clarified, modified, and intensified. Second, when leaders listen respectfully, even to criticisms, they not only gain additional insight, but often receive the support of the speaker. When leaders listen, people rally around.

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Nine Essential Leadership Skills

What basic leadership skills make pastors effective in their ministries? Here are 9 essentials.

Leaders do lead. Many people in positions of religious leadership simply don't lead. The fact is that true leaders do lead. They chart a course, garner the necessary support and resources, and work to succeed.
Leaders lead from a spiritual center. Men and women engaged in ministry are careful to ask God to help them lead from a spiritual center. Today's spiritual leaders must also take the time they need to quietly seek guidance.
Leaders compromise creatively. As soon as a vision is articulated and plans are established, obstacles and roadblocks will occur. They'll seek ways to compromise creatively so that the end goal will still be accomplished.
Leaders deal constructively with conflict. Whenever someone provides leadership, conflicts will arise. Effective leaders learn how to deal constructively with conflicts and maneuver around them.
Leaders are willing to listen. Strong leaders know that listening to others helps them in two ways. First, by hearing what others say, their own vision for the future can be clarified, modified, and intensified. Second, when leaders listen respectfully, even to criticisms, they not only gain additional insight, but often receive the support of the speaker. When leaders listen, people rally around.

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The Value of Biographical Preaching

One of the most exciting and powerful methods of preaching is to share the story (biography) of a character in the Bible. This method is extremely valuable in building people and moving people from one level of ministry to another. God's desire is to grow His Kingdom. His Word is full of ordinary and less than ordinary people who He used to accomplish this purpose. It would behoove us as pastors and leaders to use this method of preaching a lot more than we have in the past. There is nothing more powerful than the testimony of a life that has been transformed by the power of God.

The proper definition of biographical preaching is;

The method of preaching that expounds a Bible character, based on careful exegesis, to deduce the principles that regulated his or her life and to apply the principles to the modern listener. A simpler definition is; Biographical preaching is preaching that provides a biography of the life of a person from scripture and draws a moral lesson or message from that story.

It is essential to understand that all preaching in its most basic of forms is (or at least ought to be) expository in nature. By that I mean that every scripture you share in a sermon should be exposed and expounded upon. Even when only one verse is used in a topical sermon, there is a degree of exposition that takes place. In the same sense, biographical preaching is a type of expository preaching. You are telling the story of an individual rather than the story of a chapter or a book. Instead of exposing a passage of scripture, you are exposing the life of a person in scripture. Your text may include several passages of scripture about the character.

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