The Dark Side of Spiritual Abuse -- Part 1

Back in the summer, Brother Ensey sent out an e-mail soliciting papers to be written on various subjects and after musing through the choices, I started thinking more along the lines of a pastoral theology kind of subject. Although I am not quite sure how I finally settled on this particular issue, I have been thoroughly enlightened on this subject.

 

In the past, I have written on church trouble from the angle of people in the congregation who found great enthusiasm for tormenting pastors until they finally ran them off. The religious landscape is littered with men who no longer pastor churches and gave up the calling of a ministry because of a situation where they found themselves in great contention with the hidden powers that ran the church. If you are interested you may read those old Barnabas Blog posts from a couple of years ago (Part 1 & Part 2). Since writing those posts, I have observed a few more of these unfortunate situations as they unfolded.

On the other hand, there are also churches that have had endure terrible abuses at the hands of heavy-handed, manipulative, and dark pastors who fall into the category of being a spiritual abuser.

I must say from the outset that this kind of activity to me is totally foreign because of the environment that I grew up in with my own pastor (and now father-in-law) Joe Patterson. Because of his spiritual leadership, I grew up with the idea that the church was the most incredible, warm, and safe place on the earth. It was only after I begin to travel around a bit and grew up some spiritually and mentally that I was exposed to the dark side of the church and ministry. To be quite frank with you, it was a bit unnerving and initially faith-jarring.

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Because a Little Bug went “Ka-Choo!”

The title of my article is borrowed from a book of great truth. Some books, although not biblical in origin, bear great truth nonetheless. Had I read this book several weeks ago, I may have saved myself a great deal of labor.

Because a Little Bug went Ka-Choo, is more than a child’s book of the Dr. Seuss series. It is in my opinion a manuscript of sacred truth often unrealized in the life of a leader.

Let me explain, in Because a Little Bug went Ka- Choo, Rosetta Stone describes the extreme chain of events that unfold as a result of a little bug sneezing. At first a seed is dropped. Of which a worm gets hit, who then gets mad and kicks a tree. Because he kicks the tree a coconut drops causing the turtle to get bopped… And so on until the final scene describes the entire town turned into utter chaos as fire trucks and town parades collide into a frenzied explosion of pandemonium.

A friend gave me this book the other night after I finished the complete renovation of her kitchen. The inscription she wrote inside the first page of the book says, “Jim, let this book be a reminder the next time someone calls you to help them install just a stove."

 

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Back Row Bullies

They may not sit in the back row.  In fact many times they sit closest to the front.  Most would say they are “Faithful” as they seldom miss a service.  They appear to be the backbone of the church.  They pay their tithes.  They dress right.  They look right, but once you really get to know them, you find that they are the Back Row Bullies of the church.

These people all too often run the church.  They decide who is going to do what.  They decide how loud the music is and what color the walls of the sanctuary are going to be.  Little happens in the church that they don’t know about and don’t in some great way influence the out come of.  Theirs is a mission.  Theirs is a job that nobody else will do.  Without them they know that the church would fall apart.   They are the Back Row Bullies.

No one is quite sure how they gained such influence.  Maybe it has to do with the amount of money they gave at one time or even still.  They may have family within the church whom they have great influence over.  Their measure of sacrifice is probably great, but nonetheless, they are Back Row Bullies.

We all know what a bully is.  It’s someone who pushes their weight/influence/resources around to cause you to do something you would not ordinarily do.  Let me break that down a bit.  You ordinarily would not put up with someone creating division in the church behind your back, but since they give so much money…  You otherwise would not allow them to have the position in the church that they have, but because their influence over so many in the church is strong… 

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Pastoral Transitions (When Asked to Leave)

Making a change in pastoral ministry is challenging for any pastor and his family, even when they have chosen the time to make that transition. However, a staff pastor and family who are released from their present ministry and must make a transition to a new place of ministry face a different situation. Thus the question, “How should a minister respond, act, and live if he is asked to leave his pastoral ministry?”

Ministers have been released from staff ministry positions for various reasons: decreased church income, downsizing of pastoral staff, the phasing out of a particular ministry position or consolidating church ministries. Regardless of the reason(s) for ministry release, this type of transition can be traumatic to the pastor and his family. Because of the emotional, financial, spiritual, and family issues, this topic must be addressed to help ministers and their families who have been asked to transition from their church ministry. Having been through this type of transition myself as a staff pastor in the past due to pastoral change and staff downsizing, I share some insights that will help edify and support the minister and his family who are in transition.

The ministry family leaving a church may experience emotional stress, financial strain, grief, and a sense of frustration. The exiting staff pastor may question the effectiveness, value, usefulness, credibility, future, and potential of his ministry. Income may be an issue, especially if the staff pastor was the major wage earner in the family. There will also be the question of health insurance. Because health costs can be expensive, health insurance is a necessity. If a transitioning staff member lives in a church parsonage he may wonder, How long can we live here? These are just a few of the concerns that a transitioning staff pastor will be forced to address. What follows are a few suggestions that will help the transitioning pastor and family.

1. Affirm your personhood as a Christian.

God loves you. You, your ministry, and family are valuable to Him. He knew this change would take place before you were asked to make your transition. He has confidence that, with His help, you will make it and your future will still be bright. He knows this is a traumatic change that affects your life, finances, ministry, self-perceptions, spouse, and children.

2. Continue growing in your personal faith walk with God.

You will need to grow spiritually through this situation. Don’t become stuck on, Why is this happening to me? Instead ask,How can I grow through this situation and see glory brought to God?

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Leadership's Limitations

In this unpredictable and changing world, the one thing we can always control is the way we think. While we have little control over circumstances or the actions of others, we can control our reactions to them. And anyone can learn how to think more positively and operate with a better attitude, regardless of circumstances, temperament, or intellect. To begin thinking more positively and leading your people to do the same, follow these guidelines:

Act like the person you wish to become.
To start thinking positively, begin by acting positively. Most of us wait until we feel like taking action, but that’s going about it backwards. Instead, by putting our desires into action, we can establish a habit of thinking positively – and this results in a positive attitude.

Cultivate a Consistent Positive Attitude.
To reap a successful harvest, a farmer doesn’t plant seeds and then just expect them to grow on their own. He must continually water, weed, fertilize and nurture the growing plants if he wants them to reach maturity. Likewise, if we want a successful life, we need to spend time everyday nurturing our attitude. Focus on the positive and successful. Don’t feed the weeds.

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The Witnesses: Dr. James Naismith

After obtaining his diploma and becoming an ordained minister, Naismith departed for Massachusetts and joined the YMCA in the summer of 1890. While teaching youth physical education, he discovered that football, baseball, and track and field were great in the summer months, but there was nothing in the winter months to keep the young boys busy and off the streets at night.

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A Leader's Example

I remember as a young person, admiring the Pastors and Ministers of our movement. In my mind they were (and are) equal to the Apostles. I cannot explain in words my respect for them.

20 years later, I am one of those men. Often I find myself comparing my ministry to those men who I admire. Who I am as a leader, seems far short to that of many of the men around me. Now please don't think that I am wanting to be them. I realize that we are all unique and gifted according to His desire. But there is something in me that always wants to improve. I never want to become satisfied with who I am as a Man of God. I always want to do more for Him. I want to get closer to who He wants me to be. Like Paul of old. After all he did for the Lord, he said "Oh, that I might know Him..." As great a man as Paul was, he still looked to Jesus for a deeper walk.

I'm not sure we always realize the effect we have on the young people around us. Or for that matter, any saint. One thing that God consistently reminds me of, is that I am an example to those who look up to me. I feel that there is blood on my hands, if I lead an example, that would discourage them from living for God.

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Investing The Talents

Investing The Talents

 

The following is an article being shared with the Indiana Trumpet.  You might want to place it in your weekly bulletin or in a place where your members can read it. 

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Mt 25 14-30

Mat 25:14  For the kingdom of heaven is as a man travelling into a far country, who called his own servants, and delivered unto them his goods.

Mat 25:15  And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability; and straightway took his journey...

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This often misunderstood passage of scripture is a key parable for real revival.  Revival and growth can only come when we understand and implement the simple factors spoken of here.

The man traveling into a far country is Jesus Christ.  His servants are the Pastors of churches and the talents are the saints of the churches.   When Jesus placed a shepherd in the church, he was doing more than placing someone there who would watch over the souls of the church.  He was also placing someone there who would lead that group of people into personal and numerical growth (Revival).

This parable was not written to the saints, it was written to the Pastors of the churches.  As a saint, this is important for me to understand as it allows me to comprehend the burden and psyche of my Pastor. 

Every Pastor is under a great burden for the souls of not only those who attend the local church, but also for the souls of those people in the community who do not attend.   This burden does not leave a Pastor day or night, the entire time he Pastor’s a particular church.  Those who do not understand this burden will usually misunderstand the actions and decisions of their Pastor. 

Notice in the parable the Lord gave us, the servant/Pastor pays a great price if he does not invest his Lord’s talents/saints wisely.  Saints will wonder why their Pastor is pushing so hard to begin a new program or simply encourage the church to get involved in evangelism.  They will grumble and complain because he has asked them to consider a new ministry the church is capable of implementing.  Yet, regardless of their lack of cooperation, the Pastor is still under the directive to cause every talent/saint in the church to become involved. 

Notice what happened to the servant who buried his talent in the ground.  His labor was to hide his talents.  This Pastor simply preached to the “Us 4 and no more crowd”.  He was satisfied with a lack of growth and had grown weary of trying to get the church to become involved in soul winning.  So he stopped trying.  He just kept the same old crowd.  His burden for the community died and his church had no increase.  With this mindset, this servant purchased a harsh judgment.

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Shared Values Make A Difference

People work better when they are working towards the same goal.  When agendas or expectations differ, confusion often wins over production.

Take the time to get people on the same track.  Taking the time to educate and motivate people towards the same agenda will pay dividends.   You may want to start a project or ministry today, but consider that this vision may be for a future date.  God sometimes speaks to leaders about things we think are for today, but in reality, they are events God would cause to happen in the future.  Take the time to educate people and cause them to come under the same burden and vision that you have. This will make the process much easier once God’s plan begins to unfold.

Create teams.  People work better when they have someone else to lean on now and then.  A team can encourage each other and help to share burdens.  This also allows people who are inexperienced and who would otherwise be unable to get involved the opportunity to gain experience.  They may later be able to lead a team of their own.

Pastor/Leader – explain your vision thoroughly. Most people want to follow their leader’s vision.  This is absolutely necessary in the church.  Differing visions can kill revival in the church.  “One Vision” should be the theme of every new venture of the church.  When people are following the Pastor’s vision, their own agenda does not get into the way.

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