The Dark Side of Spiritual Abuse -- Part 3

This is the third installment in a series on spiritual abuse. The whole idea of spiritual abuse is a very troubling at best. The church was intended to be a place of redemptive recovery facilitated by the grace of God. When manipulative control moves to the forefront it can have a very harmful effect on the people who gather to worship. It also has to be established that spiritual abuse can take place in a reverse order. It can originate from the congregation in the form of a board of elders or a single influential member who controls the pastor through financial means or sometimes through psychological and physical intimidation. Increasingly one will find the reverse order in churches that once had to deal with a pastor who was spiritually abusive.

Spiritual abuse is defined as “the mistreatment of a person who is in need of help, support, or greater spiritual empowerment, with the result of weakening, undermining or decreasing that person’s spiritual empowerment.” It can be defined another way as “destructive and dangerous involvement in a religion that allows the religion, not a relationship with God, to control a person’s life. He also goes on to say, “People broken by various experiences, people from dysfunctional families, people with unrealistic expectations, and people out for their own gain or comfort seem especially prone to it.”Spiritual leaders who resort to this kind of activity may or may not immediately recognize the control they are exerting. The trend usually isn’t immediately recognized but as time passes the cycle of behavior manifests in a manner that has a horrific effect on people’s lives. Even worse is the leader who acclimates himself to a state of denial of his own personal responsibility. To compensate for the increasingly unsettled environment, he may begin to assign all of the spiritual shipwrecks of the past as those who were “wolves” or “rebellious.”

As I filtered through all of the material concerning spiritual abuse, I jotted down a series of questions concerning not just the church but the leader too. They were based more on a rhetorical nature that did not so much require an answer but rather an evaluation of the spiritual health of the place where this activity is taking place.

• What does spiritual abuse do to those who worship there? How does it affect their sense of worship and understanding of God?

• Can God have freedom to transform and can grace really do an adequate work in this atmosphere where fear, intimidation, and manipulation prevail?

• Can true spiritual growth and discipleship take place in this setting?

• What do the actions of the pastor have on his soul in the long term? This was a very troubling question to me personally. What dark things begin to take place in the soul of the pastor who exerts force in such a way that he is never challenged and held to a standard of accountability himself?

• Are his actions motivated by pride of place or position?

• Has he moved from being an under-shepherd to a lord over God’s heritage? Such spiritual abuse literally takes the place of God in the working of the church.

• Is there a sense of the grace of God reflected in any of the public ministry of the Word?

• Is there an attempt to place heavy weights on the people he is called to shepherd?

• Does he empower people to live in a venue of spiritual growth in a public setting as well as within the private confines of the heart?

Are You Stuck in a Rut?

Has your church replaced truth with tradition?  Have you done the same things for so long that neither God nor man could change things at your church? Do committees and programs substitute for the moving of the Holy Ghost? Has your church become boring and predictable? If so, your church may be stuck in a rut and may be unable to see a way out.

In his book, Rut, Rot or Revival, A.W. Tozer states,

"The treacherous enemy facing the church of Jesus Christ today is the dictatorship of the routine, when the routine becomes "lord" in the life of the church. Programs are organized and the prevailing conditions are accepted as normal. Anyone can predict next Sunday's service and what will happen. This seems to be the most deadly threat in the church today. When we come to the place where everything can be predicted and nobody expects anything unusual from God, we are in a rut.

The routine dictates, and we can tell not only what will happen next Sunday, but what will occur next month and, if things do not improve, what will take place next year. Then we have reached the place where what has been, determines what is, and what is, determines what will be. That would be perfectly all right and proper for a cemetery. Nobody expects a cemetery to do anything but conform. The greatest conformists in the world today are those who sleep out in the community cemetery. They do not bother anyone. They just lie there, and it is perfectly all right for them to do so.

You can predict what everyone will do in a cemetery from the deceased right down to the people who attend a funeral there. Everyone and everything in a cemetery has accepted the routine. Nobody expects anything out of those buried in the cemetery. But the church is not a cemetery and we should expect much from it, because what has been should not be lord to tell us what is, and what is should not be ruler to tell us what will be. God's people are supposed to grow. As long as there is growth, there is an air of unpredictability. Certainly we cannot predict exactly, but in many churches you just about can. Everybody knows just what will happen, and this has become our deadliest enemy."

Mentor Somebody

Your life is not measured by your accomplishments, but rather by the people you’ve touched and the lives you changed.

Mentoring someone allows you the opportunity to affirm their ministry and change the direction of their life.

You don’t have to wait for someone to ask you to mentor them.  Pull them aside and explain to them that you see potential in them and you believe they are ready to be mentored.  You may be amazed to find that they have been waiting on SOMEONE to notice them. 

Don’t judge – Critique.  The difference between the two is one is done out of love and concern the other is not.  Let your aspirant know that you care only for their growth and want to offer suggestions for them to become better. 

Open up.  Tell them of your early shortcomings.  Let them know that all is not going to be easy.  Confess a few faults and ways you have conquered them.  There is nothing common to man.  There is a great possibility that they may need to know how to get over a few things along the way.

Model it in front of them.  They are going to do what you do - not what you say.  Regardless of how well you explain things to them, they are going to model themselves after your actions.  You speak to them when you are not speaking to them at all.  Remember they are watching you and learning. 

Meet with them.  Choose definite times to meet together.  Doing this tells them that you care about their growth and are concerned about them as a person.

Topical Preaching

There are  many pros and cons to topical preaching. Many Bible scholars feel that expository preaching is the only way to preach. They point out that you must preach verse by verse through the text in order to keep the story in its context. This is correct and very true, but a good topical sermon can also be kept in context if prepared properly.

When you look at the New Testament examples, both Peter and Paul preached on topics and used scripture to support their points. They did this very well in the epistles. The most famous sermon in the entire Bible is a topical sermon. The Sermon on the Mount is considered by most Bible scholars to be the greatest sermon that Jesus ever preached. The beatitudes are in this sermon, the Lord's prayer is in this sermon, and The Golden Rule is in this sermon. Jesus spoke on topics and used Old Testament scripture to supports His teachings. He did not preach verse by verse through entire chapters or books. Even the Old Testament prophets were very topical in their messages. If we are using the Bible as our example on how to live, we should also use it as our example in how we preach.

The Witnesses: Amy Wilson Carmichael

(1867-1951)

Amy Wilson Carmichael was born December 16, 1867 in a small village in Northern Ireland. Her parents were evangelical Christians and she committed her life to Christ's service at a very young age. 

One story of Amy’s childhood noted that when she was little, she always wished she’d had blue eyes instead of brown. As a little girl, she prayed for God to give her blue eyes, but she never received them. 

Carmichael was the founder of a women’s group in Belfast that quickly grew to over 500 women and they needed a larger place in which to meet. She saw an ad in a newspaper saying an iron building could be built for £500 that would seat up to 500 people. A donation and a plot of land were given, and the building of the first “Welcome Hall” was built.

Amy felt led to fulfill her call in missions. In many ways, she was an unlikely candidate for missionary work. She suffered neuralgia--a disease of the nerves that made her whole body weak and achy--and she was often bedridden for weeks on end.

At the 1887 Keswick Convention, she heard Hudson Taylor, founder of the China Inland Mission, speak about missionary life. Initially, Amy travelled to Japan for fifteen months, but she later found her lifelong vocation in India.

Money Matters - Basic Causes Of Financial Difficulties

Most people have problems with finances, but they just don’t know why.

According to the latest surveys, over one-half of all families in America are presently experiencing financial difficulties.  And the real truth is many do not seem to know why they are having these difficulties.  If these type problems are so common, then it would be important to understand the reasons they exist.

The following is a listing of some reasons of financial difficulties.  This listing can be a means of educating oneself in these most critical areas.

1. Failure to follow scriptural principles.  The Bible is full of guidelines regarding financial principles.  In fact, one half of all parables and one out of six verses in the New Testament deal with stewardship.  Get the Bible and start an in-depth study of the guidelines and principles in the Word of God.
2. Failure to identify priorities.  A person and family must identify their priorities if they are ever going to be successful in their financial life.
3. Failure to discipline.  This horrible word causes people more problems than anything else in the world.  Discipline must be exercised in every phase of a person’s life and in the world of finances it is critical.
4. Failure to establish goals.  A person who has no goal is a person without direction.  A person without direction is going nowhere.  A person must establish the financial goal for themselves if they ever want to arrive at a successful financial position in life.
5. Failure to control spending.  A written control is necessary to control impulsive spending.  Limits must be established and kept.
6. Failure to establish a budget.  A budget is not a nervous breakdown on paper.  It is a clear guideline of where your money comes from and where it goes.  Do not negate the importance of a written budget…it is vital to anyone’s financial success.

10 Tips For Leading Change

1. Define and understand your own reaction to change in order to compare it to the reactions of others.

Even the happiest of changes may cause a feeling of loss for what existed before. As a leader, perhaps you see that the change will save the company, enhance the product, diminish costs, or make the organization more competitive. But what will occur that is outside your own comfort zone? To be a leader of change, you must identify how the change will impact your own personal situation. What stresses will you experience that you will either consciously or unconsciously pass on to others? Will you also fear for the future of your job or your department? Will you survive, but see many of your colleagues go? Will you have to learn a new skill or move to a new location? Only if you take the time to specifically define your own reaction to change can you put yourself in the shoes of those you lead who will have their own reactions, fears, and behavioral fallout.

2. Involve those people who will be affected by change in both the planning and implementation process.

When change is dictated, resistance is the automatic response to the stimulus. Leaders are able to gain much more cooperation when they invite others to join the plan. Include them in figuring out how to implement change, even when they are obvious in their opposition. Co-opting the opposition is the best way to get their buy-in. Leaders may even end up with some better ideas for making the change work.

3. Communicate the vision so others can understand and buy in to the change.

The benefit of the end state must become the driving force to persuade employees to work through the agony of change. There must be something better waiting, and it must be visible throughout the pain. Often leaders have a vision that makes great sense. However, this bright future may not be shared beyond the inner circle. Failing to understand, employees feel uncertain as to why they must change and where they are going. Uncertainty itself can be more painful than change.

4. Share all possible information about change with the widest audience possible. When you think you have spread the word, start over.

In the midst of change, the best advice is, "Communicate, communicate, communicate.' Unless information is proprietary or may be helpful to the competition and harmful to the organization's success, it should be shared widely. lf employees understand why actions are taken, what is expected, and how the change will lead through the steps toward the vision, they are much more likely to come along on the journey. When employees do not have information, they are more likely to resist or even sabotage change efforts that appear to threaten their stability and security. When Lockheed and Martin Marietta began the merger process, the leaders of both organizations traveled to every major site and talked directly to employees. The message was carried in videotapes, written documents, and personally by leaders at all levels.

5. Explain the impact of change on individuals more than on the organization.

When the status of one's job is in danger, an employee really doesn't care about organizational success. At a time when GE was downsizing, employees were attending training programs at the same time that they were wondering whether their desks would still be there when they returned to their offices. Corporate leadership was talking about the need to slim down for future financial success, but employees were used to a culture in which they were GE employees for life. Productivity was significantly degraded while employees wondered about the personal impact, not the organizational impact, of the change.

It's Not a People Problem - It's a Situation Problem

Often times in ministry we feel that the problems we face in the church are usually people problems. After all we are in the business of ministering to people. So when a problem arises it must be a people problem - right? Not always.

Too often, but thankfully, a problem is not as it seems. It's not ALWAYS a people problem. Let's face it. People problems are a hassle. Dealing with personalities and character flaws is exhausting. Sadly, many Pastors and Ministers simply stop trying to improve the ministry capacity of their congregation simply because they have grown tired of trying to change the behaviors of people to create positive change.

Do you feel that people are most often the problem in your ministry? If so, you are among the majority of pastors and ministers. Would you be interested to find that not all problems are people problems? In fact, many of the situations that we believe are people problems are simply situation problems.

Here's an example of a situation problem: The person who is the lead minister over your churches Greeters ministry is growing frustrated. Too often, the people they employ to greet guests are calling at the last minute to say they cannot be a "greeter" that Sunday morning. This is very frustrating for the lead minister as they thought they had everything under control. Their work was done...everyone was in place. But now at the last minute, there is confusion and worse yet, disappointment in people.

This all creates another host of problems, as now the faithful few who the lead minister is about to call upon to "fill in" for the absentee are about to become burdened with the constant chore of being a greeter. These gracious people have limited patients too. If constantly obliged upon, they are going to begin to experience resentment at those who are "calling off" all the time. Worse yet, they are going to begin to feel frustration at their fearless leader who is once again asking them to fill in for someone else.

Making the Visioneering Process Work for You (Part 1)

It would be foolish, or at best naive, for any of us to believe or even infer that what works for others will work for you as well. The Vision process, or Visioneering, is included in that statement. There is no cookie-cutter formula that works and produces for everyone. However, there is a common development route, or process, that can be modified to suit your environment, and it will work for everyone if allowed to. There are questions to ponder and ask at the inception of the Visioneering process.

Why is this important? It is important because every leader, church, or organization is not ready to undertake a successful Visioneering process. Before you waste your time and that of others you need to validate that this is the right thing for you to do.

To do this you will have to determine some things. Every church or business has its own unique and distinguishing traits and characteristics, including but not limited to:

· The number people and talents it has available

· The unity it either has or doesn’t have

· The spiritual maturity and understanding level of the people

· The level of commitment to excellence and continuous improvement

· The work ethic

· The corporate attitude

· Financial and resource strengths and/or weaknesses

· Demographics

What are yours? Write them down clearly and concisely. Do the necessary research. Thoroughness and honesty are absolutely essential.

Next, of course there are many other ingredients that must be considered as well, including but not limited to:

· The connection between the leader and the people

· The level of trust and confidence in leadership

· The size and commitment to and understanding of teamwork

· The organizational structure

· Area demographics (white or blue collar/wealthy or welfare/educated or non-educated/innovative or non-innovative/adaptability to change or resistance to any change, multicultural blend and ethnicity traits/ and etc.)

· The culture of the area and of the church

Once again, write these down clearly and concisely as well. Do the necessary research. Thoroughness and honesty are absolutely essential.