How important are relationships anyway?

How important are relationships anyway? I don’t know about you, but in my life, one of the things that has caused me the most pain, is relationships with other people. The relationship between myself and my parents when I was growing up was a most excruciating experience. I nearly took my own life as an adolescent because of the painful experience of relationships in our home. My brothers and sisters beat up on me and literally tortured my brother and I at times.

I have to admit, my understanding of proper relationships or relationship skills was pretty messed up for almost half of my life. For that matter, even for the last 20 years of ministering to others, I have to admit, I have suffered painfully at the hands of relationships with people. People I have trusted have stolen from me and lied on me. People I have loved, have hated me. People I have helped have turned on me. I don’t know about you, but relationships with other people, have really hurt me.

On the other hand, my relationships with some other people have been my salvation. Had it not been for a relationship with a friend in High School, I may have never been introduced to Christ. My relationship with my Pastor helped mold my character as a young man. My relationship with other ministers has solidified my faith and walk with God. My relationship with other Christians, has renewed my faith in people and allowed me to experience a proper relationship experience. In fact many of the brothers and sisters in the church are closer to me than my own siblings. My relationship with my wife has given me something to work towards every day. My relationship with my children is my passion.

Relationships. A good relationship can make you, but a bad relationship can destroy you. The chance we take to have a good relationship is almost not worth the risk to many people. They have been so hurt by relationships that they choose rather to become introvert and avoid relationships with other people at all costs. Their way of avoiding another painful experience is to avoid all close relationships.

Seven Challenges Every Pastor Faces

2.     Getting everybody on board and keeping them on board. We all start out great, but it is a constant struggle to keep people motivated and focused.

3.     Causing people to change and grow can be exhausting spiritually, mentally and physically.

4.     It seems like the attack of the enemy in the spirit realm is greater since I have been a pastor.

Why Do I Feel so Alone although I Minister to Others?

Although you may feel like you are the only one, you are not. A large percentage of other pastors and ministers also feel isolated and alone even as they minister to crowds of people on a regular basis. The feeling of isolation or of being alone plagues many ministers and their spouses. This article identifies 12 causes and potential solutions. It also validates a few of the many needs for spiritual Fathers and/or mentors.

The vast majority of Christian leaders do not actually have a mentor or spiritual father in their life.

Each of the following topics could be a guideline for validating the need for a mentor in your life and ministry.

The Isolation of the Calling

If you truly have a calling from God you may be the only one with that particular call. Even a quick cursory review of the Bible reveals men like Abraham, Moses, Joseph, David, Elijah, Jeremiah who felt the pain of isolation and solitude. They had no peers.

Elijah even stated once that he was the only one like himself, but God quickly corrected him by saying there were 7000 others similar to him. Your isolation may have many ingredients such as location, a unique but misunderstood calling, not relating to the people around you, and many others.

Regardless of the reason(s) for your isolation you need to understand that there is someone somewhere who can relate to you. It is your responsibility to climb out of your box of isolation. Of course, God always understands, but there are times you also need people. Just having someone to listen to you is not always enough. You need someone with wisdom and sage advice who can help direct you forward. Perhaps you need a mentor? The right mentor will help you use the isolation of the calling as an advantage to become more effective.

The Solitude of Alone Time

Solitude is a two-edged sword. Although it is healthy to have alone time for self, meditation, exercise, relaxation and prayer, it can also become a dark pit of separation and despair. You must not close out the essential people around you. Your family, staff, and peers each need the right amounts of time with you and your input.

If you do not have alone time in your schedule it is imperative that you work toward finding time for it. You must use your alone time wisely by assuring that there is some personal growth value associated with it. You must also establish some mind guards because an idle mind can wander into areas it should not go into. Always remember that the adversary may use your alone time to speak his deceits into your thoughts.

10 Qualities Of A Potential Leader

1. Positiveness: The ability to work with and see people and situations in a positive way.
2. Servanthood: The willingness to submit, play team ball and follow the leader.
3. Growth Potential: A hunger for personal growth and development; the ability to keep growing as the job expands.
4. Follow-Through: The determination to get the job done completely and with consistency.
5. Loyalty: The willingness to always put the leader and the organization above personal desires.

Confused About Your Calling?

Probably the worst thing that can happen to a God-called minister of the Gospel is that they would be confused about their calling.  Confusion in the ministry thwarts the positive impact of the church.  No congregation or ministry can move forward when the leadership of that organization is confused about their calling. 

Whether we are talking about an individual’s or an organization's calling, confusion can kill their potential.  Some men/women spend their entire lives confused about their calling.  Hearing a call from God, but listening for direction from other people. 

It’s important to understand that every Calling is not a call to preach.  Some would argue this.  Countless young men and women have felt a call on their life, but got their direction from good-meaning people who put Preaching on them.  “You’re going to be a great preacher.”  “I feel you are called to preach!”  Prophecies are spoken over these people by many misguided folks who believe or  have been taught that only a preacher can have an effect on the work of God.  Some would have every worker in the harvest to be Great Preachers.

Stop!  The world does not just need more preachers.   It needs more people who are concerned about souls.  It needs compassionate people who care enough about their fellow man to pray for them and invite them to church.  It needs not preachers, but teachers.  Teachers who will take Bible in hand and sit in someone’s home and teach them a Bible study.  Truth is hard to come by, yet it is right at our fingertips.  Our generation is lost for a lack of understanding of the Bible.

What is the calling you are called to?   Share truth with someone who does not know the truth.  Jesus said, “I share with you a truth”.  Long before Peter was preaching on the day of Pentecost, Jesus (our example,” was teaching in the synagogue.

What is it about our human nature that desires to be “The one up front.”  The one doing the talking.  What is it about our human nature that desires not a teacher, but a preacher.  Midweek Bible studies have only a slice of the attendance that Sunday preaching services have.  Why is that?  We are still coming together to worship and share the Word.  Yet on Sunday there is preaching and on the midweek service there is teaching.  And the church would rather hear a preacher than a teacher. 

It’s in our nature.  We want an icon.  We want someone to idealize.  We want a spokesman for our church.  We want preachers.  So every person who feels a call on their life gets “pushed’ into the preacher mold.

How To Increase Giving In Your Church - Part 2

In his book How To Increase Giving In Your Church, George Barna gives several key principles for effective stewardship. Our challenge is to create an environment and facilitate a mind-set in which people want to donate money to the church for the right reasons. The following are some guidelines toward achieving that outcome.

Part 1 was offered in last weeks newsletter.

8. Dream big, pray big, ask big, minister big.

• No dream, no vision, no need, no ministry transcends the capacity of our Go. Sometimes we reflect our lack of faith in our unwillingness to let Him determine the vision, and in our refusal to truly believe He can accomplish incredible things through us.

9. Ministry donors do not just give; they invest.

• Set your sights high. Challenge people to do their homework, to evaluate all the options they have for stewardship and to behave as wise investors of funds. Once you investors have done their part, live up to your part of the bargain: Give them an unbeatable return on the investment.

10. Stewardship is a lifestyle, not an event.

• You may choose to sponsor fund-raising events, but always remind your people that stewardship is a way of living. As in dimension of our lives, if we take God's promises and admonitions seriously and develop habits that reflect those promises and admonitions, we will soon be able to transfer our focus from wondering if He will bless us for our faithfulness to amazement at how He blesses us.

11. Listen carefully, respond strategically, thank people sincerely.

• Good leaders listen to the people; they respond so that they hear in strategic ways, and when the people live up to the expectations placed upon them, sincere appreciation is one of the rewards and ongoing motivations for their continued involvement. Just as people give for the benefit of other people, so they also give in response to those who have demonstrated sufficient interest and concern about the donor to spark such generosity. The Holy Spirit gets the credit for inspiring people to give; and you must allow the Holy Spirit to direct your steps, too, as you interact with your donors.

Money Matters - The Budget's Attitude

One of the top reasons that so many people, including Christians, fail at budgeting is simply attitude.  It a person thinks of it as a penny-pinching sacrifice instead of a means for achieving one’s financial goals, then it is unlikely they will stay with it.  To increase the chances of a successful budget, it is important to work on the attitude. 

If ”budget” sounds too harsh…consider it as a “financial plan” for the home.  The plan can help you get ahead; control spending, and save for future spending.  Budgeting really does matter in the process to help one reach their goals and without some formal plan of working with the finances, goals and dreams can never be reached.

Money is a tool…and a tool that everyone needs in today’s society.  This tool can enable a person to reach their goals in life, however, until a person knows where their money goes and how it is spent, a conscious decision about how to use this tool effectively is impossible.

So it is important to get the right attitude and not give up.  Quitting too soon or tiring of the process is simply a means of failure in reaching the potential goals and dreams one has.

The following scriptures give spiritual guidance for the finances of the home.  Take the time to read these and study God’s plan for financial survival.

• Prosperity:  Genesis 39:3; Psalms 1:3; Joshua 1:6-8; Luke 6:38; John 10:10

• Provision:  Genesis 41; Exodus 15; I Kings 17; John 21:2-6; Matthew 4:11

• Giving:  Deuteronomy 14:23; Malachi 3:10; Matthew 23:23; Hebrews 7:1,2

• Budgeting:  Proverbs 22:3; 24:3,4; 27:12; Luke 12:16-21; Luke 14:28-30

How To Teach A Bible Study

All too often, our church members don't feel comfortable asking someone if they would like to have a Bible study. One of the main reasons for this, is because they are afraid they won't have all of the answers to all of the questions that the person may ask about the Bible.  Many people today want to teach Bible studies to their friends and families, but oftentimes, don't know how to teach a Bible study,what teaching materials to use or lack the experience to feel confident enough to teach one. 

One idea to overcome this, is to use the mid-week service to teach your church how to teach a Bible study.  In most cases, the people that show up for the mid-week service are the core of the church.   They are usually the more "spiritually mature" of your saints.  Also, when teaching on how to teach a Bible study, let them know which Bible studies you recommend for them to teach.  This will give them confidence to teach a Bible study and when they find one that they feel comfortable sharing with someone, they will be more apt and better prepared to teach.

            You can use this outline to teach them how to teach a Bible study:

            Psalm 119:89  "Forever O Lord, thy word is settled in heaven."

            Psalm 119:161:162  "..but my heart standeth in awe of thy word….as one that findeth great spoil (treasure)"

            Psalm 119:11  "Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee."

·        Establish at the beginning of the study the importance of the "whole" Bible. 

         1)     1 Tim. 3:16 "All scripture is given by inspiration of God…

         2)     The Word of God is true!  From cover to cover!

A few things to remember when preparing for your study:

·        Always bring two Bibles; one for you and one for your student.  (Remember, this is a Bible study!)

·        Be on time!

·        Breath mints are good!

·        Choose a Bible Study that teaches on one of these topics:

         1)     Doctrine                   

         2)     Oneness                   

         3)     Church History       

Back Row Bullies

They may not sit in the back row.  In fact many times they sit closest to the front.  Most would say they are “Faithful” as they seldom miss a service.  They appear to be the backbone of the church.  They pay their tithes.  They dress right.  They look right, but once you really get to know them, you find that they are the Back Row Bullies of the church.

These people all too often run the church.  They decide who is going to do what.  They decide how loud the music is and what color the walls of the sanctuary are going to be.  Little happens in the church that they don’t know about and don’t in some great way influence the out come of.  Theirs is a mission.  Theirs is a job that nobody else will do.  Without them they know that the church would fall apart.   They are the Back Row Bullies.

No one is quite sure how they gained such influence.  Maybe it has to do with the amount of money they gave at one time or even still.  They may have family within the church whom they have great influence over.  Their measure of sacrifice is probably great, but nonetheless, they are Back Row Bullies.

We all know what a bully is.  It’s someone who pushes their weight/influence/resources around to cause you to do something you would not ordinarily do.  Let me break that down a bit.  You ordinarily would not put up with someone creating division in the church behind your back, but since they give so much money…  You otherwise would not allow them to have the position in the church that they have, but because their influence over so many in the church is strong…