The Ideal Mentor Always...

1.  Tells you the truth – even when it hurts. 

One man who has been one of my mentors for almost 18 years especially stands out because of his honesty with me.  Early in my ministry and marriage, he pulled me aside and explained to me that I was not very respectful to my wife in public.  He explained that the ladies of the church would not honor me as a minister for this reason.  At the time I was offended that he would tell me this as I thought I was very good to my wife.  However, years later, I see where he was coming from.  I’m grateful that he was bold enough and honest enough to talk to me about a sensitive subject.  Honoring my wife and publicly showing her affection has not only given me respect among the other ladies of the church, but has also been a blessing to our marriage.

2.  Shows a good example for you to follow.

The old cliché “Do as I say, not as I do.” Does not work in mentoring.  A lifelong mentor should be someone who is a model of who you want to become.  Everyone is a little bit like the people who have parented them.   Part of a mentor’s role is to let the protégé watch them closely in the work that they do.  One of my mentors would often times invite me to sit in on important meetings that I had no experience in.  I would never say a word unless asked my input.  I understood that I was there to observe and to learn.  I watched my mentor closely to see how he handled fragile situations that I had no experience in.  I would often ask myself how I would handle these often sensitive meetings, but would then watch my mentor expertly handle delicate subjects with Godly wisdom.

3.  Sees you as family.

Mentoring someone is a life long commitment.  Your best mentors are not people who are only a part of your life for a short amount of time.  A mentor sees you as a son or daughter in the Gospel.  Paul who mentored Timothy referred to him as his son.  Anything less than a family level commitment may prove to be a surface only relationship between mentor and protégé.  Often times, subjects discussed in a mentoring relationship are sensitive and personal.  A protégé needs to know that he is going to someone who is a father figure who only has the protégé’s best interest in mind. 

4.  Shows himself/herself to be open and transparent with you.

A good mentor is someone who is not afraid to talk to those they mentor about their failures as well as their successes.  My father would often say to me, “Don’t make the same mistakes that I have made.”  This is a good reason for mentors to be open with their protégés.  You may save that person a tremendous amount of pain and numerous mistakes by revealing to them the mistakes you yourself have made along the way.

When Do We Engage In Conflict?

Matthew 15:18-19; James 4:1-12

There are times when we as Christians are called to arms, as the song goes, “onward Christian solders.” As they said in the Middle Ages, “if the cause is just…”of course most of the causes were not just. But for us, if there is a situation that must be defended, we need to prepare ourselves and be willing to fight for our Lord. Conflicts that are worth fighting for are such as moral and value issues, spiritual warfare, evil desires, or physical attack.

“When Peter came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he was clearly in the wrong.” (Galatians 2:11)

If someone is going to assault you or a family member and all means available to involve the authorities is exhausted, then we fight. I personally do not get into fist fights, but as a youth pastor, I was on a trip where one of my girls was being assaulted and I had to respond to that situation with physical force or the girl would have been raped. There have been numerous times I had to keep bad intentioned people away from my group to protect them and even use physical force. We as leaders must protect the people God entrusts to us. In working in some inner-city areas, I hired security to prevent potential problems with various events. Yes we are to trust in the Lord, but we are also to use commonsense and practical judgment. As Jesus told His disciples to buy a sword, we to need to follow suit. I do not believe we need to literally be buying swords and wearing guns like the old west. But, we do need to protect the people under our care.

A case in point, several years ago I was doing some intervention counseling with a couple. The husband was severally beating his wife. So I put her into a battered women’s shelter. He then came to me very violently, threatened my life if I did not disclose her location. The police were immediately called, but there was nothing they could do. I heard that the husband found her location so I took some elders with me to the women’s shelter to protect the wife. She got scared and left the shelter and went home. The husband was in the process of literally killing her when we showed up; the police were called and we had to wrestle him to the ground. He was a very big man. I had to knock him out in order to subdue him. It was one of those situations that you may never have to deal with, but they do accrue. By the way, it took the police over two hours to show up as we sat on him; life in the inner city of America.

When No One Cares Who Gets The Credit.

There is no limit to what can be accomplished when no one cares who gets the credit.  It is important to cast a vision of servanthood to lay leaders and those in the church who serve the body of Christ.

Preach servanthood.  There can be no greater example of servanthood than Jesus Christ.  He was someone who could have expected everyone to serve Him.  However he continually offered himself as the servant of all.  You get what you preach.  If the church needs to be reminded to serve one another, Preach servanthood.

Live servanthood.  If Jesus can do it, so can the preacher.  People live by our example more than what we preach.  If we preach servanthood but live lordship, people will become confused and view it as hypocrisy. 

Reward servanthood.  Praise those who put others first.  Openly applaud those who go out of their way to put others needs before their own.  Jesus said, “When you’ve done it to the least of these, you’ve done it unto me.”  He wanted us to know how important servanthood was as

Storm the Gates - Part 3

As the attack of Mansoul continued by Prince Emmanuel’s troops, the second captain came to the Ear Gate. The first attack had come from Captain Boanerges who was absolutely confident in what he had to say. Captain Conviction, whose main assistant was Mr. Sorrow, was just as confident but his attack on the Ear Gate came in a bit different manner. Their uniforms they wore were pale and their insignia was the book of the Law that issued a flame of fire. He said to the inhabitants:

‘Hear, O Mansoul! Thou, O Mansoul, wast once famous for innocency, but now thou art degenerated into lies and deceit. Thou hast heard what my brother, the Captain Boanerges, hath said; and it is your wisdom, and will be your happiness, to stoop to, and accept of conditions of peace and mercy when offered, especially when offered by one against whom thou hast rebelled, and one who is of power to tear thee in pieces, for so is Shaddai, our King; nor, when he is angry can anything stand before him. If you say you have not sinned, or acted rebellion against our King, the whole of your doings since the day that you cast off his service (and there was the beginning of your sin) will sufficiently testify against you. What else means your hearkening to the tyrant, and you’re receiving him for your king? What means else your rejecting of the laws of Shaddai, and your obeying of Diabolus? Yea, what means this you’re taking up of arms against, and the shutting of your gates upon us, the faithful servants of your King? Be ruled, then, and accept of my brother’s invitation, and over-stand not the time of mercy, but agree with thine adversary quickly. Ah! Mansoul, suffer not thyself to be kept from mercy, and to be run into a thousand miseries, by the flattering wiles of Diabolus. Perhaps that piece of deceit may attempt to make you believe that we seek our own profit in this our service; but know it is obedience to our King, and love to your happiness, that is the cause of this undertaking of ours.

‘Again I say to thee, O Mansoul, consider if it be not amazing grace that Shaddai should so humble himself as he doth: now he, by us, reasons with you, in a way of entreaty and sweet persuasions, that you would subject yourselves to him. Has he that need of you that we are sure you have of him? No, no; but he is merciful, and will not that Mansoul should die, but turn to him and live.’

Captain Conviction comes in and takes a different but just as effective method of preaching to Mansoul. Where Captain Boanerges relied on authority, Captain Conviction relies on passion and fervor. Notice how that he confronts them with their sin and their rebellion against God. He also establishes the fact that they have sold out their allegiances to a king who is far less superior to what King Shaddai had been toward them. He tells them that their actions are going to cause them increasing misery as time passes on if they do not respond to the gospel call. He tells them that they are to humble themselves before God because this is their only way of escape.

Accountability – who needs it?

Accountability – “The quality or state of being accountable. – Webster’s dictionary

• Accountability is a binding relationship that develops growth, moral and ethical excellence.
• Accountability is not support therapy an opportunity to allow for excuses.
• When a person becomes accountable to another, they make themselves accountable to someone other than themselves.

Why should we consider becoming accountable to someone else?

• We cannot stand without accountability.  1 Cor 10:12
• Every man/woman should make themselves accountable to at least:
• God
• Their spouse
• Their family
• Those they lead
• Those leaders above them
• At least one other person who could be considered their spiritual mentor.

We are all accountable whether we know it or not.  People are watching us day and night.  They are looking to see if we are who we say we are.  They base their trust and confidence in us according to the level of truth they see in our lives.  If they do not consider our lives to be worthy of their confidence or trust, then our ministry will have no effect on their lives. 

Accountability keeps us from moral and spiritual failure.
Proverbs 27:17  Iron sharpeneth iron: so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” 
Having someone to be accountable to keeps us from ourselves.  Realizing that someone else will judge our actions causes us to “consider our ways”. 

Leadership's Limitations

In this unpredictable and changing world, the one thing we can always control is the way we think. While we have little control over circumstances or the actions of others, we can control our reactions to them. And anyone can learn how to think more positively and operate with a better attitude, regardless of circumstances, temperament, or intellect. To begin thinking more positively and leading your people to do the same, follow these guidelines:

Act like the person you wish to become.
To start thinking positively, begin by acting positively. Most of us wait until we feel like taking action, but that’s going about it backwards. Instead, by putting our desires into action, we can establish a habit of thinking positively – and this results in a positive attitude.

Cultivate a Consistent Positive Attitude.
To reap a successful harvest, a farmer doesn’t plant seeds and then just expect them to grow on their own. He must continually water, weed, fertilize and nurture the growing plants if he wants them to reach maturity. Likewise, if we want a successful life, we need to spend time everyday nurturing our attitude. Focus on the positive and successful. Don’t feed the weeds.

Home Friendship Groups - Helping close the back door.

“A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle.” Prov 18:19

Bob stopped me a while back to thank me. A trustee and board member in his church, he explained that he and his wife were greatly offended by a situation and people in the church. He told how one Sunday without knowing their situation, I encouraged them. I told them that “they were very important to the work of God there” and a “wonderful example to me”. I didn’t know they had already decided this was their last service in that church. He told me that had it not been for my encouraging them that day, they never would have gone back.

I wonder how many Bob’s leave the church without anybody noticing.

It is often said, “If we could just win back those who have already left, that would be a great revival. My question is, “how did we ever let them get away in the first place”?

In my years of pastoring and ministry, I’ve found that people usually leave the church because they were never truly assimilated into the family of God to begin with. Once a person is established into the church and have formed nurturing relationships, it’s less likely they would become offended and leave.

We think that we have to “get them into the choir right away” or “find them a position or job in the church” to keep new converts. This may help that person feel more attached, but it will never assimilate them into the church.

Why do people exit the church? Many times, a person leaves because they were never provided the proper relationships within the church.

How To Gain Loyalty

Some of the things you can do in your own congregation to rectify any lack of loyalty are:

1. Teach the difference between faithfulness and loyalty.

2. Remind your people that, according to their new nature, they already want to be loyal. Unless they are outright rebels, disloyal acts come out of ignorance and/or weakness of the flesh.

3. Let them know, in light of their sharpened understanding, you are expecting them to be loyal. They will be what you expect them to be.

Ten Principles for Getting Along With Difficult People

1. Maintain your confidence by being in right relationship with God. You can’t be objective or discerning if you’re not in good standing with God. A strong relationship with God gives you the grace and confidence to deal properly with difficult people.
2. Remember over- reacting will only accentuate the conflict and confuse the issue.
3. Hold realistic expectations. Make sure the difficult person can reach your expectations. You may be expecting him to do or be something that is impossible.
4. Quit trying to change the difficult person. Give up your rights and expectations regarding this person. Accept the fact that you can’t change him, but you can change your reactions to him.
5. Refuse to play his games. He may attempt to use you or make you feel guilty or obligated. Recognize the emotional games, and don’t participate.
6. Don’t allow yourself to become the difficult person’s slave. Be honest with yourself and learn to say no.
7. Keep a proper spirit and attitude. Maintaining credibility is the greatest struggle. Don’t let bitterness, anger, or resentment grow.