Why Do People Leave The Church?

Knowing some answers to this question can not only keep a church from losing some great people, but will also bring a church into revival as the back door is closed to a large degree.

It’s kind of like money.  It’s not how much you make, it’s how much you save.  Some count their new converts by the hundreds, but few of these converts are still in the church a year later. 

People leave the church because of boring sermons.  Some people can tell when a preacher is shooting from the hip or preaching to the choir.  “Study to show yourself approved.”   You are not going to keep some people unless your messages are getting into their heart and mind.   They have come to hear a Word from God.  Get one from the Lord for yourself and then give it to the congregation.

People leave the church because they feel the ministry does not care about them.  Greet them, shake their hands, phone them, write them a letter, smile at them, visit them when they are sick, send them a card when you can’t.  Let them know you care.  One kind word spoken at the right moment in a person’s life can cause them to be devoted to you for the rest of their life.

People leave the church because they have no relationships there.  Develop ways for new converts to develop relationships within the church.  Small Groups are a great place for new people to gain those necessary relationships.

The Power of Power Point

From the earliest messages of the Gospel that were preached by Jesus, until today, preachers have wanted their message to be heard by the masses.  We have done everything we could to ensure that our preaching can be heard.

Luke 5
 1And it came to pass, that, as the people pressed upon him to hear the word of God, he stood by the lake of Gennesaret,
 2And saw two ships standing by the lake: but the fishermen were gone out of them, and were washing their nets.
 3And he entered into one of the ships, which was Simon's, and prayed him that he would thrust out a little from the land. And he sat down, and taught the people out of the ship.

There was a twofold purpose in Jesus using the ship as a preaching platform.  The first reason was that as vs 1 mentions, the people were pressing against him.  The crowd was getting too great.  As with any size crowd of people, the natural voice can only go so far.  The more people you add to the crowd the less His voice could travel as sound bounces off of obstacles which, in turn, hindered His ability to get His message across to everyone that was there. 

This brings us to the second reason why Jesus launched out onto the ship to preach.  Sound carries extremely well across water.  From the ship, more people could line the shore of the lake and His voice would carry to them without being hindered.  (Have you ever been on one side of the lake and heard the voices of people speaking on the other side  which might be thousands of feet away?  When the wind is still, you can literally hear a casual voice speaking from thousands of feet away as the sound travels across the surface of the lake without hindrance.)

Jesus took full advantage of this simple technique.  However primitive Jesus’ sound system was on this day, it worked.  It enabled him to get His message to many more people than His previous method of simply standing or sitting in a place on the beach as He taught.

Preachers today face the same dilemma most often.  We struggle to get our voice out to more people.  We purchase sound systems costing everywhere from hundreds, to literally tens of thousands, of dollars for the simple purpose of getting more people to hear our preaching.  We oftentimes stop at nothing to get our message across to more people.

Sir, Reverend, Would You Have Them Hold the Mayonnaise

There are times that I really get wrapped up with being important. I mean those times when I am so into the importance thing that the whole world finds it’s orbit around me. I know that you may find that hard to believe, that “importance” could have such a dizzying effect on me but it does.

In fact some time ago, I found myself being very important. Our church was hosting a preaching workshop. Rick Wyser was doing his very good seminar “The Six Should-Be’s of Preaching” and I was feeling particularly important. We had plotted and planned and had all sorts of free books, gadgets, computer programs and all sorts of other things to give out to the participants. Somewhere around fifty ministers came and we were having a tremendous time. Nothing motivates me like talking about becoming a better preacher, so I was definitely enjoying the element.

Are You Listening To Me!

I can hear my mother still to this day yelling, "Are you listening to me?" Being the single mother of 5 children left her without much patience.  I believe much of her frustration as a single, struggling mom, was she felt that no one heard her.

Mom worked all kinds of jobs to try to provide for us kids, so she was not home much. We pretty much raised ourselves. My 4 brothers and sisters were just about as unruly as children left to their own devices could get.

When Mom finally made a pit stop at the house, she would find it in shambles. Then, with the frustration of a mother trying to do her best, but failing miserably, she would simply lose it. "Are you kids listening to me?" The truth of the matter was, we weren't listening to a word she was saying. We were too busy having a blast doing our own thing.

I once read a story of a pastor who was asked by a woman in his church for a few minutes of his time. The pastor agreed to meet with her and while they talked, she said flatly to the pastor, "My father molested me when I was a little girl". Without missing a beat, the pastor said, "I believe you." The woman was shocked! She couldn't believe that someone had finally believed her.

Through tears she said, "For years I have tried to tell my family members, but no one would listen to me". It was such a relief to finally have someone who listened and believed her. The pastor asked, "What can I do for you?" "Nothing she replied, I just needed someone to listen and believe me."

Home Friendship Groups - Helping close the back door.

“A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle.” Prov 18:19

Bob stopped me a while back to thank me. A trustee and board member in his church, he explained that he and his wife were greatly offended by a situation and people in the church. He told how one Sunday without knowing their situation, I encouraged them. I told them that “they were very important to the work of God there” and a “wonderful example to me”. I didn’t know they had already decided this was their last service in that church. He told me that had it not been for my encouraging them that day, they never would have gone back.

I wonder how many Bob’s leave the church without anybody noticing.

It is often said, “If we could just win back those who have already left, that would be a great revival. My question is, “how did we ever let them get away in the first place”?

In my years of pastoring and ministry, I’ve found that people usually leave the church because they were never truly assimilated into the family of God to begin with. Once a person is established into the church and have formed nurturing relationships, it’s less likely they would become offended and leave.

We think that we have to “get them into the choir right away” or “find them a position or job in the church” to keep new converts. This may help that person feel more attached, but it will never assimilate them into the church.

Why do people exit the church? Many times, a person leaves because they were never provided the proper relationships within the church.

Mentoring Christian Leaders

Mentoring Christian Leaders

Leadership is a complex issue in the 21^st Century. The Christian leader faces constant challenges whether at home, at work, or in the church. An increasing number of Christian leaders, business owners, and pastors are turning to mentors and coaches for development and assistance . . . and they are wise to do so. The advantages are many.

The word “mentor” is derived from the original Mentor in Homer’s epic poem The Odyssey. When Odysseus, King of Ithaca went to fight in the Trojan War, he entrusted the care of his kingdom to Mentor. Mentor served as the teacher and overseer of Odysseus’ son, Telemachus.

Definition

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines a mentor as "a trusted counselor or guide." A common definition of a mentor is "a wise, loyal advisor or coach."

Application

A mentor is an individual with special gifts or knowledge that helps and guides another individual’s development. Mentoring is used in many settings. One of the most valuable assets your ministry can have is a good mentor.

Why?

Christian leaders are besieged with challenges. Who then do they turn to for counsel, verification, and guidance? Quite often confidentiality is a problem among peers. A seasoned and professional mentor or coach is invaluable in helping guide and validate a leader’s choices and decisions.

Many leaders and even pastors do not have a wise or seasoned elder pastor or confidential authority figure to turn to. Quite often finding solace among peers or elected leaders has proven disappointing.

Many have spent fortunes attending conferences and seminars that seldom have long-term results and lasting impact. Most simply offer motivation that quickly fades away as reality rears it head again.

Five Things Every Pastor Should Be Thinking About

We find this reference in...

Ephesians 4:11

11 And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers;

The Greek word for pastor is, "poimen," which simply means a shepherd. The Hebrew word for pastor also means shepherd.

In modern day church culture, a pastor has also become much more than that. Unfortunately, the pastor has taken on every part of the five-fold ministry himself, thereby taking on offices not intended for him. This has led to much confusion and frustration for many who are pastors or feel led to become a pastor.

In modern vernacular, a pastor has become ' a one man, do it yourself, even though I am not really qualified to, kind of leader.' As Lee Stoneking stated, we have become a 'pastor driven organization.'

With that in mind, the very first thing that every pastor should consider is:

1.      Is my office of pastor fulfilling God's role for a pastor?

A pastor is primarily a shepherd, somebody who cares for, protects and provides for every sheep in his flock.

·         He is also the overseer of the flock.

·         He is one who has experience.

·         He must have a ready mind.

·         He must manage the affairs of his flock.

1 Peter 5:2

2 Feed the flock of God which is among you, taking the oversight thereof, not by constraint, but willingly; not for filthy lucre, but of a ready mind;

As the shepherd, the pastor can also serve the role of the teacher. The pastor feeds his sheep through the teaching and preaching of the word.

Acts 20:28

28 Take heed therefore unto yourselves, and to all the flock, over the which the Holy Ghost hath made you overseers, to feed the church of God, which he hath purchased with his own blood.

The Word of God is our 'bread of life', the pastor must be ready and able to teach and relate the scriptures to every member of his flock.

There isn't any one man who can fulfill the modern-day role of a "pastor." You can only fulfill the role of pastor as God designed -- as part of the five-fold ministry. Otherwise you will fail God, yourself, and most importantly, all of the people that you lead.

You need help, you can't do it all alone. If you want to succeed and grow your church you must operate as a pastor in the scope of the five-fold ministry.

Ephesians 4:11-13

11 And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers;

12 For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:

13 Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ:

As a pastor in this era of the church, you will have to be the one to re-instate the offices of the five-fold ministry in your church, it is up to you, nobody else will do it.

A Few Good Things To Know About People

• Showing your compassionate and caring nature will aid you in forging successful relationships. 

• When you extinguish hope, you create desperation.

• Remember that your followers generally want to believe that what they do is their own idea and, more importantly, that it genuinely makes a difference.

• If you practice dictatorial leadership, you prepare yourself to be dictated to.

• Delegate responsibility and authority by empowering people to act on their own.

• When you make it to the top, turn and reach down for the person behind you.

• You must be consistently fair and decent in both the business and personal side of life.

• Never add the weight of your character to a charge against a person without knowing it to be true.

• Never crush a man out, thereby making him and his friends permanent enemies of your organization.

Myrrh For A Dead God?

"And after this Joseph of Arimathaea, being a disciple of Jesus, but secretly for fear of the Jews, besought Pilate that he might take away the body of Jesus: and Pilate gave him leave. He came therefore, and took the body of Jesus.

And there came also Nicodemus, which at the first came to Jesus by night, and brought a mixture of myrrh and aloes, about an hundred pound weight.

Then took they the body of Jesus, and wound it in linen clothes with the spices, as the manner of the Jews is to bury." (John 19:38- 40 KJV)

Upon His death, Nicodemus came to Jesus’ tomb and he and Joseph of Arimathaea, wound the body of Jesus with linen clothes and 100 pounds of myrrh and aloes. This amount of burial myrrh and aloes would have been an extreme even for a wealthy person. The usual custom was to use 20 pounds.

Think of this with me. If any of you have ever baled hay on a farm, you know that a bale of hay weighs around 60-70 pounds. This bale being compacted and compressed into some sort of shape by a baler. In Jesus’ day, there were no such machine. They would have had to carry this in a sack of sorts. Imagine the scene of Joseph carrying the roughly 175 pound body of Jesus and Nicodemus carrying the huge sack with 100 pounds of myrrh and aloes for the burial.

Putting myself into this text, I find two men who loved Jesus. Enough, that they would risk their own life to see that the Lord would receive they very best burial they could give. So, Joseph donates his very expensive tomb and Nicodemos, not wanting anyone to smell the decomposing body of Jesus, brings 100 pounds of costly burial aloes. When people walked by the tomb, he wanted them to only notice the beautiful smell of the myrrh and not the rotting flesh of a dead God.

I’m not sure where these two were doctrinally at this point, but I do know that they heard the truth preached to them by the Lord himself. However, I’m not so sure they got what Jesus tried to get them all to understand. “(John 2:19 KJV) Jesus answered and said unto them, Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up.”

People often quote John 11:35, “Jesus Wept”. Recently at a funeral of 2 friends, the minister referred to the Lord as a mourner who also wept at the funeral of His friend Lazarus. I don’t believe Jesus wept because his friend was dead. He sure was not too concerned when they told him about Lazarus being sick a few days prior. I am certain that the reason Jesus wept at the tomb of his friend is because of the unbelief of those whom Jesus had spent much time with, trying to convince them that He was the Resurrection. How many funeral processions did Jesus stop to raise the dead? He had proven to all of them that He was able to raise the dead. I believe He went to the tomb of Lazarus hoping to find Mary and Martha sitting in wait, full of faith that regardless of how long it took, Jesus would show up and when He did, He would raise His friend to life again. Jesus did not weep for Lazarus’s death, he wept because of the faithlessness of Mary and Martha. Hear his rebuke to them, (John 11:25 KJV) “Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live:”